Oh heart, oh heart
Why are you so downcast?
You've lost all hope
and need a place to cry

Great joy comes before immense setbacks
Like a calm before a great storm
Men can predict the weather
But who are they to say they're in control?

I refuse to walk in the assemblies of the wicked.
"I cheated justice, and am not found.
I murdered integrity, and still roam free."
With this they boast, and walk away.

How great the injustice against me, O Lord
but who am I to complain
My very breathe will stand as witness against me if i do
For God's grace sustains me

I cry, but my throat utter no sound
My eyes are dry, yet my heart pours tears

This was how I felt last week after one of my many tests. In the midst of the test, i actually felt quite happy. I studied for more than 10 hrs i would suppose, and i was confident of my every answer. Yet, at the end, my score was way lower than expected. I could only turn to God, because i know, even if i fail any subjects in school, my job security depends on Him and Him only.

Monday I had 2 tests. Maths and Physics. Both required studying and practicing. I could not really get past the 2nd day of studying, and after church and all, i was back in hall at 6pm, trying to focus on physics when my tired body gave way and i fell asleep. Woke up in the morning and told God how i felt so lousy that day, i dint feel like i will even pass any of these 2 tests. Taiyong msged me at 7 plus telling me that I am being kept in prayer, jut when i told God i'm giving up studying for the day. Was an encouragment. I went into maths test and came out grinning, happy that for once in a long long time, I've over-studied for a test. Physics was not that bad considered everyone did not do that well, but i'm just glad that monday's over. This is the power of prayer. God will lead us through the toughest of days, and when the day end, you will still have more than sufficient strength to thank Him. Dont forget, caleb

Now, for some little updates on those who are really interested in my plants:

The one on the right is the 1st born. Looks so much more healthy than the 2nd

This is the 3rd(left) and the 4th.

And lastly, the (dried up) Rosemary plant. I can only pat myself on the back and say, 'Good effort for this, caleb".

In a blink of an eye, my first uni sem is going to come to an end with just a little less than a month to my examinations. I wonder in this last months, how much of the things i do ard in school really please my maker? Sure I tried hard to keep away from ungodly friendship and commitment, but i seem to be struggling with my studies. When i look myself in the mirror, i cant remember a time when i studied more consistently then now, but yet this pace of studying is not sufficient for me to grasp the concepts and theories behind the modules. To study and to feel as if i did not, to struggle and still not overcome, to practice and yet not near perfection, needless to add in the battle with the big Z monster and tempting internet.

Yet amidst all these frustrations, I know this is what i should do:

Hang On.

Its the only thing i can do, yet its the only thing i know to do that will make my maker fulfill His will in me.

Are you hanging on to God in your struggles?

Struggle is when people plan to cheat in a test, and you try to convince yourself not to partake in their fellowship.

I had a test on monday, people sitting shoulder to shoulder.
Cheating was not an issue, the real test was not to.
I told God that 'I lift it up to you', and found out I answered at least 2 questions wrong the minute it ended.
Smiled to myself and sigh, oh what ill-fortunes for those who hold on to integrity like roots hold soil.
Smiled to myself and thought, 'Its alright, I'd rather not perform as well but be able to answer to God.'
He lifted me from the company of those who exchange integrity for cheap results;
results that last at most as long as the years of a man's life.
My eyes strayed but He guided me onto the right path, my foot did not slip.
At least, I studied, and my God justifies me.
I praise you Lord, your Name is great, for you are faithful in times as such.
You grant strength to the weak, you do not despise the tempted.

My God laughs at the work of man's hands.
The standards of this world does not limit His miracles.
His strength cannot be measured in units of Newton,
nor His brightness by Candela.
The volume of His son's blood far exceeds the unit of Metre cube,
the vastness of His love more than terms of lightyears.

I say my security is in your hands, Lord
Help me trust in your unfailing love.

Yups, its me again in my brown army shirt. You might ask, 'Whats up with the many updates recently?' Honestly, i dont know, but feel like recording this important moment of my life.

'What's so important?', you might ask. Well, the rosemary plant that i had been nurturing since it was a seed, just dried up over the weekend.

See how sad I was. if you look closely at the pot, there no longer is any small stub. At least the other plant is still alive. I'm still figuring how do I grow this plant.

On the other hand, my chilli plants are doing relatively well. I only transplanted the 3rd and 4th borned 3 days back.

Here, my 3rd and 4th borned. Arent you GREEN with envy?
And, who's that handsome dude? More and more good-looking by the day. LOL



Now, I know these are boring stuff to read, so lets try to spice up this blog a little(not that i seriously care, haha). For that, i need a little bit of reader's participation. This game we are going to play is called 'Complete the sentence'. I will come up with the first half of a sentence, and readers who pass by (who are nice and funny), would be good if you guys/gals try to come up with something to complete the sentence. haha. Now, I begin.

The sentence to complete today is;

"You should only eat here if...... "

I shall start the ball rolling.

'...your tongue is burnt.'
(courtesy of desmond)

Sleep.

I've been struggling to sleep recently. Actually, only for 2 consecutive nights, but the feeling of a tired body but an awake mind really left my thoughts and body confused. Its like my brain is in the south pole and my body is in the north. First night, I struggled for 7 hours to sleep, and at least only managed something close to 40 winks. Second night at TY's house, my already very tired body wooed me to bed at 12am, but at 3 am, i'm still turning and tossing, and i finally had to wake up at 5am.

Just these 2 days, I got reminded that sleep is indeed from God. See how sweet the baby sleeps, and how easily it gets into dreamland. It has no worries, and maybe not even enough life experience for its mind to conceive any nightmares.

Psalms 127 says that '...he(the Lord) grants sleep to those he love.'

Indeed, rest can be sought in the Lord.

Just now in the afternoon, i had to go back home to rest before doing any school work. Amidst the haze, the cool strong wind blew, the way i liked it. Laid down on my bro's bed and thought if God would grant me 40 mins of sweet sleep..... I woke up 3 hours later at 7.30pm, shocked that i overslept cos i have a project draft deadline at 10pm and I've alot to type, but on the other hande, in my heart, i was very thankful and grateful to God for such a peaceful rest.

Right now, my body is very tired, and mind too. I know that when I put my head down to rest, I will definately sleep(as concluded from logical understanding of my own body). I've a test tml which i have yet to grasp some important concepts, and now i am wondering here, should i go and rest, or shouldi spend some time trying to study? Will this rest be from God, or not?

Might just be a fleshly desire sometimes...