oh anyway, i just have to say my piece today. haha!

i was reading my bimbotic cousin's blog and she blogged something pleasent abt me. so i shall copy and paste. nie hie hie HIE!

i shall BOLD those important part, the summary, for busy people like Taiyong. my comments are in red:D

"to my very nice and handsome cousin :

that was so you right, haha. i miss ur house and the two television sets being side by side esp when its news time! and your super irritating brother. schl gonna reopen and i'll see him at mrt again. and his favourite line will be "haha bringing your violin for a walk?" like thanks alot. oh i shall be honest. youre much nicer and more handsome than your bro. (ego inflate again right! and dun show ur bro la..he shld be busy studying anyway right? lol) i hope your bro changed during the hols pls! he shld just be more gentlemanly, more sensitive, more caring(i suppose cheryl is comparing my brother to me thats why she said so! haha! ok jkjk), and that'll be good! haha, i suppose age is a major factor. and ur choice of schl matters. so based on these two factors, okay lah your bro can pass haha! i think this is so insensitive, sorry (sincerely!), but anyway, get minghui saved! u going holland with my bro after As ah? have fun ;) oh is aaron going sajc?

I THINK ITS TIME TO REALLY START STUDYING.
just smth that finally hit me after counting the number of days left till Os are over and caleb ranting bout how aaron has been muggin. its doubleshock. cos firstly, aaron lim zhi yong is a total slacker. ok i thought he was a slacker until he asked me this qn on polygons on the train. and secondly, he made me realise-wow Os are so soon. yeah if he wins me he'll get a 5-fig this time. aaron's one nice boy, i'll get a treat if he really wins me lah i suppose. ok lets see he probably will tithe 100% of that. but i know im dearly missed by my uncle so i'll prob have a treat awaiting me alr haha! dream on man. he's just waiting for that reportbook of mine la.."

eh cheryl, anyway my bro's only like taking 6 subjects. That sleepy head dropped history. So he does have more time per subject. than again, we should really stop comparing. Me and Daniel, u and aaron. haha. some games the adults are playing that make children like us sound like a prize to show off. ha.

and

my bro's been talking to quite some gals lately, dunno how he can start so young considered hes in a boys sku. so cheryl, abt him being a gentleman, i can only say, its hard for a leopard to change its spots rite? haha. but at least now got the technology of dyes for leopard fur to change the place of the spots, so actually can change one. haha!

and

my bro has a blog!
www.fireterror.blogspot.com
but its dead anyway. haha!

-if only life were like the delicious durian flesh... sooo... soo... er. no link actually. haha.-

taiyong and cheryl commented that my posts have been very long lately. i am here to show them i type short entries too.

LIKE THIS!

- end of blocks
-went taiyong house
-came home

short enuff, taiyong?

PLEASE!. tell me the fastest way to heaven. i NEED to get there. fast. i dun want to die, i just need to get there, talk to the architect of my life and find out, what am i on earth for. So please, if anyone knows how to get to heaven, please tell me.

help me find Jacob's ladder...

Mom, i am realli gonna disappoint u once again. I've said sorry to u so many times that even i myself think that i am qutie insincere, so i cant bring myself to say it once more. Cheapening of the word. ashamed to face u after promising u the moon and failed while trying to deliver it.

i wonder how it happend, but my envy had turned into numbness, and numbness into blindness.

----------------------------------------

The flower that had once looked to bloom is now withering,
and the light at the end of the tunnel is even more distant.

-----------------------------------------

stretch my hand and reach into the sky,
hoping that another one would appear and hold mine.
Than lift me from this overwrought world,
and bring me forth into eternalty.


why are the days of man seventy years and not seventeen?
i could skip A lvls and blocks if it were so.

ok, anyway. i read this super good quote from this famous christian whom i have forgotten his name. it goes something like,

"To start a day right by being in the presence of God, its like making sure all your instruments are in tuned before starting a concert."

There is a time for everything.

EVERYONE! joel has a blog now:D

www.josejoel.blogspot.com

way walking home jsut now from a bus stop a million miles from home, all cos i forgot to alight a bus and thus missed the opportunity to change to another bus home. Had to walk along telok kurau Lor G and i saw to my delight, the gazillions of beautifully (AND not so beautifully) designed private houses. They could all house the private zoo and helipad i wanted for my future house man! haha. ok la, if its God's plan in the first place for me to live in one of these kinda houses anyway.

Lor G was realli quite long. After walking for quite while, i looked back and realised, "i have realli walked quite far, but there is still quite alot of road to walk up ahead". of course i had to continue walking rite? cant give up, if not i wont ever reach home.

Similarly, just now, i looked back and reflected upon my christian walk with God. i have already walked so long . So, when i think back and start to reflect, the past 6 mths at least after finding God once again, am i gonna give up all i have learn in life from God and return to the nutshell i came from(in another words, back slide)? To just sit and sulk along this spiritual patheway, wailing at how for more i have to go; what a tempting thing to do, for the road ahead seems to get longer and harder. QT had by far been a little more consistant but a little less than satisfactory. I am tired, relating to things, and people, at times. Undenialbly though, He had brought me through quite some rough patches, and to emerge from them without losing Him is indeed quite an experience worth living for itself.

Why do God let us have a past to remember? I would really prefer a life without memories. In this way, all the sadness and guilt that i had gathered along the years would turn into oblivion, nothingness. Than i would be able to be truly happy, right? Maybe not. If Lot's wife was turned into a pillar of salt for looking back at the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, than why God always tells us to remember the things He had done in our lives, i.e. reflect upon the love and mercies of God by thinking of thing He had done for us in the past?

One thing abt Lot's wife was she was unwilling to let go of her past; sinful lifestyles and even belongings, which was burning in the city of immorality. However, when God let us look back to our past, i think that, God wants us to be encouraged by how far we had came with Him, and so be encouraged to continue to move forward with Him. Those blocks which made us stumbled, fall, and almost die; the dreaded obstacles we had overcame through faith, all bears testimonies to the saving hand of God. Therefore, our past serve not to hold us and discourage us by making us tired, but as a rememberance and encouragement to go on. For what we know, the ending point might be just ard the corner.

oh, how i wish i could really just go to heaven right now. It will be selfish and sad to leave my loved ones behind, but its a place i would rather be right now, where there is no BLOCK TESTS, no tutorials, no parents to nag, no human relation problems, no worries abt the future; spouse, kids, and ultimately, a place where there is no death. Just joy joy and more joy. Where i am dressed in handsome white, radiating with the happiness from within... ahh... beautiful..

Another interestingly sad thing that hit me was that, why do i trust God only when i am put in unfamiliar situations/circumstances, and while i am in familiar grounds, i tend to rely on myself? Am i really a person that only desires to depend on myself, on the inside? i had thought that i have alwaes trusted God in everything. Its the same for my worship. I find a change of venues more often than not, refreshing and more at ease to worship, cos i will not be thinking abt my surroundings. When i was walking along the quiet alleys, i can be praying and praising and thanking God for the mercies and safety He had and is still providing. However when i emerged into the more homely places, my mind start to wonder to the mundane things of everyday life, for i do not feel the need to pray for safety and protection any longer.

Just cos, i am in familiar grounds.

than, by logic, to get closer to God, for me, i would have to pray for aplentiful and abundance of trials and tribulations, don't u think. mebbe its just me, or issit a common thing?

-"Many men claim undying love, but a faithful man who can find?"-

touch my heart and ask myself...

bored. the sku library is so condusive for... sleeeping, and, my room is condusive for... studying. The world is coming upside down.

my eye lids are weighing a tonne now.

and, i am typing gibberish.

but hey! thx joel for the sour skittles he bought and smuggled into the library. that helped me keep awake while studying for like, er, half an hour or so.

i should realli be studying. ya, like, at the sku library.

oh i saw rachel at last after her jaw operation. Like what my bro said, she looks quite like this other gal in my church. She said hi and i asked her if she could start eating solid food. well, thank goodness too bad she cant, if not i would have treated her abalone and roast pig in sku, if u can find any of the stalls selling it at the first place.ha.

its like abt 16 weeks to A levels. my goodness. 120+ days. If i cover 2 chapters of any subject everyday, i should be able to just... nah, i shouldnt think of such tots cos i will most probably study the SAME 2 CHAPTERs everyday and think i am safe.

scary movie 4 on friday? anyone?

i heard this story quite some time ago.

There was this pair of father and daughter. The daughter was very young, only young enough to talk, plus, she only just started walking not long ago. Now, one day, this pair of father and daughter had to cross this river to cross to the other side of the village, to escape from a forest fire. The river was flooded to the highest of tides, and the bridge was very unsteady due to the strong winds. Its a do or die thing to for both to cross the bridge. The father, being a caring and concerned dad, told his daughter(who stubbornly insisted on walking), "Hold my hand dear, so that you do not fall." To which, the daughter replied, "No dad, you hold my hand." There was no time for arguement, so, the father grabbed his daughter's hand and crossed the bridge.

Upon reaching the other side, the father asked his daughter, "Why din't you want to hold my hand?"

His daughter replied, "If i hold your hand and i slip, i will not be strong enough to hold on to your hand to keep balance. Than i will have to release your hand and fall down into the river. But, dad, if u hold my hand, i know that no matter what happen to me, u will never let go of me. If you slip and lose your balance, you will willingly lose your hand and let me stay in balance, rather than pulling me along into the river, for i know u love me."

-----------------
For all my non christian friends visiting my blog, this is a .. well, a very nice story. haha.

For the christian friends reading this blog, yeah i was ministered to even to the smallest of degree, by this story. One difference our Father God is from this father is that He never does fall, but one similarity is that He holds us in His hands when we are crossing dangerous regions(and also when we are not). He will never let us go. Never. Not even if u do not do as well for your block tests.

anyway, GP essay today was fun. not so for the compre. i think i love writing essays that links to life. ha.

ok heres sth to lighten up your days. For guys, LEARN. haha!
(i put up likely replies from the gals out of boredom. The replies to each question is just below the question, IN RED)

Christian pick up lines:

1) Nice bible.
ya, its much nicer than yours anyway.

2) I would like to pray with you.
but, i wont like to, so go away.

3) You know Jesus? Me too.
ok.

4) God told me to come talk to you.
Is it? But God said listen to your parents, and my parents say that i should not be talking to strangers.

5) I know a church where we could go and talk.
(show hand signal to tell him/her that u are deaf and dumb)

6) How about a hug, sister?
no, i prefer money. u have?

7) Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy.
looks are decieving. Furthermore, u are already having trouble with your own bible.

8) Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug.
no wonder all the sisters in your church got scared away.

9) Yeah I predicted David over Goliath.
so?

10) Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
huh, wasnt it you?

11) What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study?
i am going out with my boyfriend.

12) I am here for you.
-_-'!

13) The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry."
How about dinner?
is it free? can i bring my boyfriend and our families along?

14) You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither.
so?
go and get one and stop wasting your time talking to me.

15) Do you want to come over and watch the Ten Commandments tonight?
i watched it 10 times already. Can u think of a better pick up line?

16) Is it a sin that you stole my heart?
(jsut look angrily into the face of the person telling u this. they will freak out)

17) Would you happen to know a Christian woman (man) that I could love with
all my heart and wait on hand and foot?
Ya, my (irritating) sibling.

18) Nice bracelet (WWJD). What would Jesus date? I mean "do."

19) Do you believe in Divine appointment?
i am having one in 5 mins time and the other person i am meeting is my boyfriend.

20) Have you ever tried praying at a drive-in movie before?
?!

21) Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.
?!

22) My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a really nice
person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah, that's his name.

23) You know they say that you have never really dated, until you have dated a
Christian.

ok i am realli shagged thinking of likely replies, so a skipped a few, hah. those pickup lines in bold are those i think are funnier than the rest.

my eyes!!!!RED cos of excessive studying,ok. i was just exaggerating it. Its not red. it jsut feels very tired and sore. See, studying is bad for health. i knew it. gah.

To God be the glory if i do better/well for this block test, and if i dun need to see the vice principle again,or even the principal.

than again, i dint expect my room to be so condusive for studying. for sleeping, yes, but never knew it had this potential. Thx guys, those that came to study. u guys made me believe in studying in my room once again for the first time in my life.

i have this habit of wondering away into my own world while in lectures, which will set me thinking of things i see during tv time since i was in primary school. Than, i will come up with quotes or phrases. oh, this happens if i see a photo chance or a picture too. here is one example.



yeah for those that have seen my frenster, i posted it there too. For the benefit of those who dunno, this guy here, the model, is my brother. ha. the quote there reads,

"You will only have one fall in your life... if you don't learn how to get up." -Caleb-











i was revising my maths notes and i chanced upon a question/quote i came up with.(yea my notes are full of quotes from day dreaming. ha!)

Picture this: the typical channel 8 scene at the airport, when 2 person love each other but one have to leave for the country permanently for some reason. when the person leaving walks into the customs, than normally, as in a typical channel 8 show, the person will walk into the cumtoms without looking back, as if not affected by the tots of actually leaving a loved one behind(via a back view of course), but the camera will show him/her crying from a front view, and in the background, the otehr person will appear super sad too(so typical).

keeping this scene in mind, here comes what i wrote like ages ago in my notes...

" The first steps to departure is always the hardest, then, the numbness wil set in. Or, is the sadness so infinite after walking away just a few steps, that it makes no difference thereafter? " -Caleb-


----------------------------------------
man!
sdfasdlfkjasdfjadfsjdfasfnasdlfkajqwoeriqwnjkcjaowefmsmcawfioqweiowe
ljkqeiowrxcm,fnqdfmkjnv,xcfnadfmlavnjs.dfnalwerfknqfpqwerfjkqhwepnv19034tuqwdfnzd
j190jrlawdfjaiosdfnmkasjfh9t4n1ifuhqw93rgfnwjieqy394tqjfhq90fh4jitrh4-rjq3
n198234rhqjkfn90qw8ertj q3klfnaklsdfnq890rfuqlefnmquifu124fmn3uivh130tj14tn
jkqndfue4in14f19jflwekfjgwe890gjm235t98u4tjerigf90q2pt45o;jq2h3r89pgtq3joro

hai. call this pre-exam syndrome/stress. i jsut wanna type and type and type and type. gah. back to books is a horror! God save me please! gimme a 100 000 000 000 gigabyte memory space up my brain plus a photographis memory plus the brain processing speed of Solomon!

i'm tired, but i cant sleeep, for i have to study; also, for i know that before exams, no matter how tired, I JUST CANT WANDER INTO DREAMLAND LIKE I WANT TO! ok. Pslams say that God grants sleep to those He loves. I shall hold on to this promise and try to go off, NOW!

i just post an entry at the SFC blogpage.!!! go check it out guys! haha.

http://www.saintsforchristsfc-.blogspot.com/

ok today lets talk abt "concern".

to be concern for someone, is it supposed to be external? Or is it possible to be concern for someone without showing it?

i think, for every person in the right frame of mind, there will be a few people in their lives that they will be very concerned abt, say, my mom would be concern abt me and my brother. Concern normally links itself to worries. Therefore, to show concern is a physical manifestation of worry, which in fact is an act of love.

to be worried about someone also takes on a few level. Firstly, parents will be worried for their kids when they do not see them, for fear of physical harm, for example, if their kid were to climb to the window frame, look down and decided that taking the lift was too slow so they take the short cut; if the kettle of hot water suddenly look very cuddly; if their kid(toddler) decide that the toilet bowl(unflushed) looks like a swiiming pool and decide to plung into it, and the list goes on. However, there are some parents who do not fear their kids being harmed physically, or at least not fearful enough to show it.

These kind of parents are usually the chinese parents, rather their kids learn through pain thus remembering the lessons learn. Therefore, when their kids gets harmed, instead of going "Dear, pain or not (of course!)", they will go like "See lah, i told you right? Serve you right! ". However, i am sure that in their hearts they sorta feel the anxiousness.

On the other level, its the emotional concern. Also, there are these 2 kinds of people; they that will protect others from emotional hurts(in another words, the one being protected do not experience emotional hurt, and might break down once the protector is not there to protect them), and also they that will allow those they are protecting to go through controlled degree of hurt(This reali reminds me of God. There will be times i am hurt all over emotionally. Stretched was i, but i dint break.God knows my limits and that what i have to learn from each hurt i recover from. So, the next time i go through the same thing, it will be alot easier. Of course, God is the loving and caring Father, scolding only when He has to, which is once in a lifetime i hope, but the rest of the time showing immense love.). Of course, there will be some that attempt to be the second group but dun have any idea how controlled the situation must be.

Thirdly, i think most importantly, its the spiritual plane of concern. For the last gazillion years, my mom and i and mebbe my brother, along with a few others in my family, had been praying for the salvation of my grandparents and unsave uncle and aunties. This, i would say, i consider to be the highest level of concern, of course not forgetting the former 2 areas altogether.

In my family, though its a christian home, where Christ is the head of the family, we are still very traditionally chinese. Dad is the head, while mom has little/no authorithy comparatively. However, both of them requires us to listen to them, and not only that, obey. okay, this is where the trouble comes in.

My dad, is a super authoritative dad. Running the family according to "military like" rules and an iron fist, anyone who opposes him, surely lose('die' is not a good word to use here).Therefore, to him, there is a reputation to keep, which is stern and... just stern. This causes the physcial manifestion of his love and concern to be in the form of commands, for example,

"I don't want u to do this.... that... If i catch any of you doing this... that... that i will rotan(cane) u..."

no explaination, but dig deep, theres love and concern.

likewise, when he wants us to do thing, he will go like. e.g.

"I want u to come in top 3 in class AND.. blah blah.. this.. blah blah that.. If u come in top 3 in class AND blah blah...I will give u this.. that... and $298 732 459 345."

Evidently, as i have observed from my dad, those that show their love in authoritative ways, when they show approval, its often in monetary form, or material form.

for my mom, she explains. When she beats us, she will cry too sometimes, and will come and apologise, plus explain again. Ya, there will be times when she just lose her temper, but mainly, shes very reasonable. Words of concern, encouragement, love and care will just flow out of her mouth like honey from the rock. And u cant help but feel love. No diggin beneathe the words are required. No inference. U just cant help but feel so loved.

For me i might have taken after the traditional chinese style, BUT i am realli trying hard to change. It would be much easier to do so now than next time, since i don't wanna be the father my father was and still is to me, someone i respect but rather not be too near, yet, near enough to reach into his wallet for money. Nevertheless, i still find it very hard for me to show concern. Verbally, it would more likely be sacarstically. Physically, there are many others around me to show concern to whom or those i am concerned for. That leaves me no space to manifest my concerns for people. Monetarily, well, i don't have much to spare.

ok, there will be those precious times, when i have the chance to show my concern and love and whatever have u. Thats when, i think, i also open myself up for people to hurt me; when unappreciation sets in from the one whom we are showing concern for- i.e. being treated as if the concerns are just simple nagging they hear everyday from mom(even than naggings are a form of concern, if u think abt it, rite?), and just replying with an "okay" which more likely mean "Can u stop the nagging, and, stop telling me whats good for me and whats not!", rather than "I understand". i must have hurt my parents many times over when i gave them this reply. Now, i am starting to understand being unappreciated, like them. many more years of learning and experiences to come.haha.

thats for growing up in a chinese environment i guess. ha. Mom, teach me to be like u!God, teach me to be like U!

-what we reap, we sow- Bible

SFC blog is revamped.
saintsforchristsfc-.blogspot.com
:)

Happy Birthday Joel! if u are reading this, please feel the love and please wear that zara we bought u(and tim too), cos u look even more handsome in that although u are already very handsome:D

what a day of many heart thumping moments. haha. pest is realli good at organising surprise birthday parties either that or that joel is realli very innocent, dint even suspect a thing. haha!shant say too much if not i cannot use it next time. heh heh.

CHERYL TAN WEI LING! ok lah nth much. just gimme your blog address again. i forgot. dun tell me the background is pink like it was since long ago. i will be so having a hard time reading.and... after reading this and telling me your blog addy, please go and study for your O lvls. my bro got first in class so u better do better than him to crush his inflated ego k. haha!

prissy's DOG is not very cute, but, its very cuddly. man, i envy those people that have dog/s. i read on newpaper one day. " What's the diff btw a new husband and a new dog? - after a year the dog will still be excited to see u home".ok. but yea, it sure is good to have a creature at home, wagging its tail, anticipating your return.

another thing. aloy told soph the fun of judo and soph asked pris(while she was on the bus with me home) if she wanna learn judo tgt. pris showed me the message and now my whole body is itching for a good fightsomeone please slap me and remind me i have exams in like, 3 days? i can like feel the adrenaline rush coming all over my body now. how i wished my brother was at home so i can like, loosen some of my enthusiastic muscles. ha. another irony of life:

"When u have it, its when u dun want it. when u want it, its when u dun have it." - thats judo training for u. So, i really have this love-hate relationship with judo. but its the same with other things i guess, including people. When they are around, i wont show that i treasure them, but when they are like distant, i miss them. Just like my primary sku chinese teacher, 黄老师. i think she had already forgotten me already, but she taught me for 4 consecutive years from primary 3~6. Loved the way she use to be able to spend one whole hour just explaining one chinese word, of course telling us many many stories along the way; the way she treat us like her grandsons(i was from a boy's sku); her lovely naggings; the gathering at her house. ah. such distant memories, but never fail to warm my heart.

was pondering too, sometimes, we as christians lead such fulfilling(or what we think is) christian lives, we feel God near us, answering all our prayers, that often we will once in a while tell ourselves its alright to not do quiet time for a day or 2, or do half a QT, than before long, we feel by ourselves, that God had completely disappeared from our lives. that was how i fell, the last few times. Outwardly, its easy to be a christian. Just:
1)don't scold vulgarities
2)be a nice gentleman
3)go to church
4)memorise some scriptures and keep regergitating them
5)be polite
6)try to do all your tutorials
7)dun drink, dun smoke, dun club

Inwardly, the discipline is much much much harder. sometimes i can be kneeling there with my eyes shut, my mom thinking that i am praying, but actualli i am already asleep. hai. Time is not a factor. Self-discipline is.

man i hate this computer. its playing games with me! i uploaded an image gazillion times and it still dosent come up.mebbe God's telling me i should be studying

lunch was super good today, thats cos i did a last minute arrangement with my uncle, whos working at the CC near my block. aaron(my brother), as usual, slept till late, but he joined us for lunch anyway. Bedok-ed, and ate at my fav mutton soup stall, psychoing my uncle to eat mutton soup too. than we ordered drinks, carrot cake, ice kachang (oh what sinful food!). Thats why uncle started to get health conscious and said we should be eating fruits. Off he went searching for fruits by himself, and when he came back, of all fruits he bought Goreng Pisang!.

me(pointing at the goreng pisang) : Fruits?!
uncle(giving an innocent look) : ya what. Banana not fruit meh?

lunch was a success either way, cos i left the house with $5.50 in my wallet, and returned home with $5.50 too. no prizes to whom guess correctly who paid for my lunch :D.

plus

uncle wanted to give us money and even offering the next treat at some expensive restaurant, all of which we turned down diplomatically(although i realli realli need the money and want another treat), cos if we dont, my mom will scold me and aaron as to why are we spending her brother's money, her effectively forgetting that her brother is MY UNCLE, so its just rite for uncle to dote on nephews. (this should be especially so since my mom is one of his 2 sisters out of a siblinghood of 8 that actualli got married, so me and my brother, as well as 2 other of my cousins, are rare gems, precious little things in my granny's house. There, WE RULE!)

ok time to log off. hope this com is able to process pictures at night so i can load some intersting pictures for u guys to see. ha. till then.

Ja`ne.(bye)

hmm, never a better time spent with family than watching a good dog show together. ah dogs. i am gonna melt just seeing one. haha. well, wanted to watch 8 below but, apparently no time and NO PEOPLE WANNA WATCH WITH ME:( but its ok cos i just watched snow dogs the gazillionth time with my bro

大长经last episode. wah her daughter is cute and intelligent:D ;dream daughter man.

ah anyway, i just remembered this thing inside of me that i found rather, amusing. ha. this wierd realisation.

These days, one of the most frequently misquoted word is "sorry". Realised it cos i use it so often.ha but I get it whenever i ask people to go out or organise some stuff and the reply message will go more like "sorry, cannot make it". haha. i am not realli angry la, jsut that i think a better word should conjoured up, sth which goes like - "paiseh, (explaination here), or just "i cant be bothered". At least these kinda answers are, well, committed answers, rather than the "i think first" or "whos going?(nth else)", which i myself am so often guilty of doing the same thing.

Another case of which i use this word is rather interesting. i would go "sorry, sorry" over small things, but when its realli my fault, this word will usually be the last on my list of things to say. Some more, its one thing to say "sorry", while its another to mean it. Its normally when i take a long time to say it when i do realli mean it, and when i just say it out of my mouth, like the rubbish i normally say, its when i usually use it as a word to put people at ease,

e.g. "ok i am sorry, BUT...."

i think the dictionary needs to re-evaluate this word. redefine the meaning of "sorry". However, if we go by dictionary meaning currently, the following phrase will never be more correct;

i am so sorry for myself that i have to STUDY.

(WOW guys! i am actualli qutie amused by all this colouring and strikeout that i can do on blogger. haha! used to think that it has sth to do with the skin i am using. Thanks a gazillion to my pesty twin Soph(purple for royalty!) for enlightening me:D!!!) ok now i am trying the size of my words. People, look forward to nicer and more colourful blog entries!

Dr Mabubani said in his talk quite some time ago regarding the issue of the America and the world, about the American led war agains the terrorist. The problem is that, you will never know which side is winning. For the US led forces, they have the resources to replace any loss of equiptment, while for the terrorists, they will be thinkin, "kill, yeah kill more of us, so the world can see the brutality of the US soldiers and start to hate US even more. Anyway for every terrorist US kill, we are psycoing another one(or even more) to join our ranks." hai, this will surely drag on.

On the other hand, is such the same for the christian in the world that are still actively fighting for the spreading of the good news of Jesus? The devil and his compatriots sure's clever, only wants to discourage us by telling us that so-and-so missionary got killed, disfigured, blah blah. According to what chris said and that i oso recalled reading in the Times magazine, the house churches in China are realli growing at an exceptional rate. Even better! They are spreading the good news back to Rome(where the christian faith was based int he past), via the silk road, and while doing so, evangelising all the way! hallelujah! haha. Here, its the same with the american war with the terrorists. For every christian missionary that is killed/caught in China, many more others are taking their places!. ha! God had been using this strategy all the while.:D



Shikamaru of konoha (naruto), the man with the same dream retirement as i.

happy birthday(yesterday), tim, if u are reading this.

one of the best analogies abt balance i have ever heard, up to date(by chris lim who said his bible college teacher told him this):

"Balance, its not about making sure both sides of a weighing scale weighs the same, but rather, making sure a marble dosent drop off an inflated balloon."

hmmm. we are talking abt changing time and tides here, in this modern generation. ha.

oh Chris was talkin abt(now i recall), the emphasis of speaking in tongues as well as the other gifts of the spirit such as deliverence, interpretation, healing, blah blah blah. From a conservative view, the Basis of Faith is that in Jesus we have salvation, so why are the charismatics so insistant on all the other things too?

well, the conservative view does hold water, either way. Just in the salvation of our soul alone, we as christian already gained so much, and even more, eternal life, so salvation is indeed the most important thing for a christian, or non christians alike. Than again, the gifts of the spirit(which includes tongues), is very important in the Faith, yet comparatively to salvation, is not as important. Its just one of those things that is very important but not as important. So, to bring it across once more, the balance of the charismatic view and the conservative view is like chris said in the analogy -

"Balance, its not about making sure both sides of a weighing scale weighs the same, but rather, making sure a marble dosent drop off an inflated balloon."

hmmm, yeah so it means u have to put in different degree of emphasis at different times.

sth to take home.

Trust is an expectancy to meet. The more the trust, the higher the level of expectancy. When someone breaks our trust, its like dropping from the edge of a cliff, the height of which is determined by ourselves. - caleb.

than again, it is like climbing a rock wall. a wrong step and u drop from where u was to where u will be, which was where u were before u start climbing- the base. Some skills are learnt by logical reasoning, the others, by experiences that are gained and built up.

the philosophical one needs to study.

To 11-year old mervin.
(read out loud. sounds nice:D)

You are the reason why I am here.
Yet, when I'm on earth you were never near.
Its a torture just to hear,
fathers calling their children, "dear".

I saw you when you breathe your last,
right beneathe that oxygen mask.
Every inhale was a struggle,
the exhale was even much harder.

I wanted to turn away my face,
to the comfort of your wife's embrace.
But, she was the first to cry,
and told me, " Son, i don't wanna see him die."

Your stretched out your hand like a rodent,
with life being sucked away by the moment.
Your fading gaze held mine, unwilling,
but I knew silently, it was saying,

"Son, looks like i can't make it through,
nor can i send you anymore; to school.
To see you through your army phase,
nor bless you on your wedding day.

However, do remember a Father's love,
the One who's watching from above.
He had led me for these years,
when the doctors told me I had only days, they feared.

Now I see the angels gathering,
right there outside this hospital, they're waiting.
So when i have ceased to be,
you'll be the man of the family, you see?

But before I go I have to tell you,
I have to let you know.
His word will be the lamp unto your feet,
and a light unto your path, remember."

Today now, it is your special day,
our sunday school teachers let us play;
with clay, scissors, paper and glue,
they said, "make your dad presents of different hues."

Happily, the others set about their task,
I could only act as if I still have a daddy, just to let time pass.
However they soon noticed and started to ask,
"Ain't your daddy on the other side, in the Kingdom that would last?"

Tears of rememberance rolled down my cheek.
Telling the world what you did;
what you lived for, what you stood for, whom you died for.
I'll spread that smile across my face.

For those around me I must be brave;
my mom, my siblings - the family that you left behind,
but, how I wished that you'll take me along,
to the place you said was "all joy and song,
where everyone was dressed in jovial white,
instead of those in lilies and roses at nostalgic wakes.
To the place where sounds of laughter and praise permutate the air,
instead of chlorine and cancer in the hospital lair.



This in done for mervin, the guy in my sunday sku class. rachel said he lost his dad quite some time ago, but i dint dare to ask.

Me and my big mouth. Today when he was decorating a cup for Father's day, he wanted to stick sumthing across the mouth of the cup and, before my brain could process, i went, " How is your dad going to drink from the cup like that?" and then the familiar "oops" deep inside my heart.

This is not the real story of how his dad might have died, but anyhow i did this for rememberance, of this special day of the year; Father's day.

Regardless of this, i realli thank God for mervin. He is realli passionate abt sunday sku, and of course, God. He brought his neighbour in once and make sure his neighbour feels comfortable ard even though his neighbour is 2 years older, which made him out of place in my p5 class. And now, his neighbour is a regular at my church youth.

oh, i just realised, Father's day is realli quite a headache for Fathers. Not a good thing to have too many children remembering Father's day, esp when these kids go to the same sunday school. If u have 5 kids, all 5 of them will come back with the SAME GIFT! and fathers, being fathers, cant say "No i dont want these!" to any of them. goodness. no wonder parents like to say, "I don't need you to give me any presents, i just want u guys to be obedient TO ME!!". Worse still, if 5 of them come back with neccesities like toilet paper holder, fathers will be in a fix whether to choose the nicest and practice favourtism, or use build 4 more toilets just to set those other toilet paper holders to good use.

oh well, happy father's day to all the fathers out there. and to Father God too:D

before~

after

imagination. such cute things. but boredom more likely. haha. glad i learnt by myself how to do this photo thing. dunnit yvonne to help me upload fotos already! haha. been like a few mths since she last helped me though. heh heh heh. i learnt.:D

ah anyway, church today was, interesting.

Moses: Focus on the Bless-er rather than the blessings, for He's where all the blessin comes from.

how true. agreed.

however i found the talk over dinner with ty and chris lim much more interesting and informative. (mebbe its the name christopher, alwaes have this interesting character behind each one with this name, so much so mebbe i will call one of my sons christopher. if i onli have daughter, than christo-phelle will she be called. heh heh heh) Chris is one interesting guy whos doing theology at a bible college, and today's talk like a usual conversation u have with him, goes on and on and on. u enter the conversation with 5 questions, he can only answer half cos he will link here and there and in the end tell u the whole of church history and stuff without coming back to the quesiton. interesting nontheless. Its today i leanrt that besides Roman Catholicism and Protestants, there is also another big christian group which is the Eastern Orthodox Christianity. set up by Constantine, after his stupid decision to shift his kingdom eastwards to evade the barbarians, just to land up front with the muslims, and u have all your crusades and what-so-ever.

basically there was so much theological stuff flying ard the table by mainly ty and chris, and i occasionally making my voice heard. how i wished i could have turned back time and take arts instead, likemy first 3 mths classmate victoria. i see the way they argue i am like, "wow man!" imma gonna have a hard time at bible college next time(my mom wants me to go to CHC bible college sumhow cos she thinks i am not acedemically inclined, but i dun mind. i want to go bible college! haha).. oh and chris was telling me, psycoing me actualli, to go to his bible college instead of the rest which includes CHC bible college, cos of practical reasons like, CHC onli offers up to diploma although they do the same kinda stuff for a bachelor in other colleges. However he did say that CHC is more into the spiritual stuff in ministry so should be quite interesting as compared to the anglican/methodist/presby based collges.

what a productive conversation. :D

testing, testing. this is the lame bird that was at malan road. hope it works. i am like a goon at this. if this works, than i WAS a goon but not now.

suddenly, i love my house, though its not much a home yet. haha
i wanna write a poem for it, but, WHERE IS THE RARE MOOD?!.

used to tell people that the wind at my house is realli realli strong, that it can blow my brother off his feet(jsut to exagerate things but yeah its super windy on even the 8th storey), but the condo they built in front of my house 10 years or so ago, blocked all the wind.

hmm, i oversaw the fact that strong winds i experienced when younger, all came in the midday, like afternoon time(must have sumthing to do with land-breeze, sea-breezes since the sea is onli abt 2km away). And now i dont spend a single afternoon at home, normally. No wonder i was blaming the condo for blocking the wind all the while, cos the night wind, cooling as it might be, was not strong enough.

this whole afternoon i was at home(ok when i woke up it was already afternoon), and the wind was uber strong. wah. how i missed that feeling, the air going through my hair, evapourating every drop of water on my body after a comfortable warm bathe, taking the pent up heat in my body along with it. stood there for like, mebbe half an hour? i dunno, but it was realli comfortable. and happy. ha. in contrary, the winds at korea was realli ferocious and killing, as if there was a murderous intent in them. Singaore winds are much gentler

(oh dear, after being cooped up at home for even 2 days consecutively, my blog is becoming my second closest fren, besides Jesus. people! save me! haa)

something i wanna wanna wanna realli realli wanna do now; sit under a sunny sky filled with cloud patches, with my pencil and sketchbook, along with anyone person that i can talk to and can draw well, and start tracing the clouds, adding eyes, noses, paws and whatever, producing pictures of cute animals.

hai, i have been longing for that ever since i fell in love with watching a nice cloudy yet sunny cool day pass by without the element of time.

hai, forget it. haha. off to try to study.

my whole family's(mom, bro, dad mebbe, and now me) hooked on the ah soh show; dachangjin.

now shes(the main character) in a dilema when the emperor likes her and want to marry her but she and another guy is in love. another sickening lovey dovey show that gals(and ah sohs like my mom) will love.

aiyah romantic love, what a universal language. so now i come to know that there are 3 universal languages.

1)vulgarities(hand signals)
2)soccer
3)love.

hai. if only i was living in the past like so long time ago when marriages were arranged by parents. Back than i supposed boys and gals dun mix, so it will not come to our knowledge all those sticky problems.(however i do agree, after much experiences, that with problems come the solutions, whereby we will realli realli grow and mature, develope different thinking, and come to understand the opposite gender frens better).

Now a days, when there is no arranged marriage, we have the mindset that we MUST FIND FOR OURSELVES our future spouse. motives for frenship become not as pure. thats why i guess discernment is realli realli important. hai. mom's scarying me out of marriage somehow.

brother Daw Ching was sharing abt family on sunday's sermon, now i recall. The role of a man in a house: To Lead. Bible say women must submit to their husbands and husbands must love their wives jsut like Christ love the church. Hai, looks like husbands will have a much tougher time, since wives only need to submit to husbands but husbands must die for their wives. Sumore men HAVE TO: lead spiritually, like worship and stuff. my family never had such a custom although its a christian one. however sieveing through those i know, not much of them have their own family cell so to speak. i onli know one; my mentor's family.

(caleb! why are u so family family these few days?)

i oso dunno man. must be these few days i spend so much time at home. randomly thinking. 4 years ago i was in like sec2, 4 years later, mebbe some of my frens who are desperate to get married would have settles down. 4 years before or after now, makes so much difference. time is such a cruel thing. yet, its fair. Thinking back, i used to think mebbe i will settle down at 22 or 23 but now its like a joke. Mark was saying hes 30+ and still no children. hmm. hope i dun end up like him realli. Cos i onli have one sibling, i want lots of children. Used to sit down and start designing my house, which will be like 2 soccer field big at least with my private jet and zoo and underwater world. aiyoh, why was reality($$) so invisible to me back then? but it was fun drawing, and designing. haha. when my mom would bring me to prayer meetings, the quiet 6 year old will be witting one corner drawing. thats me.

think my frenship life is like a snake that had just swallowed an elephant; small at the head and tail but big in the middle which is its tummy. at first got very little frens, than now alot, and next time, have to constantly face the same person. marriage, scary.

just reminiscing.

that show, realli help set me on a wierd train of tots. sorta like teleported me back to my past. hai. suddenly i become just another Malvolio. Jst that i am not thinking abt a gal per se but my future. Thats when i pass my BT 2, which i must desperately prove i can. to myself, to my mom, and those who trust in me, except God, who not only trust but knows. haha.

another shows on the tv now. this time abt a thai-boxer with gay intentions since young. better not set me on anotehr train of tots. haha.

had my first family dinner this year. as in, nuclues family. manhatten fish market. hmm.. yum yum. i enjoyed it. realli. thanks mom.

hmm its been long since i stood next to my younger bro. hes like a few centimetres taller than me now. used to be one head shorter. those were the days when i will literally look DOWN on him. Now, hem..i still look down on him cos whenever hes at home he will be sitting down at the com or sleeping on his bed, so in terms of altitude, i am still higher. heh heh heh.

家家有本难念的经. Guess after the talk with mom(not Ministry Of Manpower, but realli my mom as in, mother) today, realised alot of problems in the family. Problems that were hidden away. Camouflauged by ignorance and imaginary bliss.

Father God,
我需要你,
就象大地需要灌溉,
就象孩子需要父爱,
我的主, 我跟随你

to my every present pillow in times of sadness, Lord i'll cry to You, if i have to.

was doing QT in the afternoon, and tot though some stuff.
Dueteronomy 26 says to love the Lord God with all our heart and soul.

i think and think and think and think and here is the conclusion;

HEART:

e.g. "can you please put some heart into your school work?!"- mom (rethorical question)
in this sense, heart would be; Passion regardless, Willingness

e.g. "i'm coming back to the heart of worship"- heart of worship
heart here, would mean; The Main Reason/Desire

e.g. "i'm sorry, his heart had stopped." - doctors blaming patient's heart for death instead of inadequecy.
here it means: Pumping Consistantly, Life-force

e.g. "open up your heart to God."-anyone, leaders.
heart: Window to God.


SOUL:

our salvation.




we should realli all love God with all these. Just food for tots.

many a times when we read a verse like this: Deuteronomy 26

16 The LORD your God commands you this day to follow these decrees and laws; carefully observe them with all your heart and with all your soul. 17 You have declared this day that the LORD is your God and that you will walk in his ways, that you will keep his decrees, commands and laws, and that you will obey him. 18 And the LORD has declared this day that you are his people, his treasured possession as he promised, and that you are to keep all his commands. 19 He has declared that he will set you in praise, fame and honor high above all the nations he has made and that you will be a people holy to the LORD your God, as he promised.



we will think,
oh so we have to, 1)walk in His ways, 2)keep His decrees, commands and laws, 3)obey him.
however we missed the first point, which is DECLARE THAT HE IS GOOD!

many people like me like to complain. tok abt declaring God's good. haha. still, i'll try to. realli hard.

on a side note, notice, every declaration we make, God made 2. interesting.

i felt abit like moses, and chaos like aaron. ultimately, Thank You God.

a poem i composed today- one of those rare occasions
(would be good and sound good to read it LOUD!)

6 years ago as strangers we met,
my heart within me, thumping like mad.
You were elegant, more beautiful than anyone i've seen,
and I fear that I'm not the one for you.
Yet, with open arms you invited me into this friendship.
Thank you so much for this priviledge.

A year passed by, then two.
We became more than just friends; good friends.
I shared my life with you
and watch you live yours all year through.
From morning to dark we'll be together,
two as one, one as none, as we fade into our own bubble.

Three years passed and i realised; i love you.
Everyday i longed, just to see your face.
Did you know that?
I thought our friendship would go on, I thought it would last,
never had I expected, our fourth year would be our last.

In you I've found honour,
in you I've found comfort,
so much so often, I take it for granted.
I hid my feelings for you though, under,
my face, my expressions, my words, my dumbness;
and acted as if I didn't care.
How I wish you knew I did.
When the time came for you to choose,
it was clear; I failed the test.
Sad and disappointed, I left you,
Me and only I myself to blame.

In you I'd found acceptance,
in you I've found love.
Though we did not talk much,
we knew each other inside out, but,
you made everyone special,
close to you and next of kin.
The question is, "Who realli is?"

Even now when our paths cross,
I'll always feel like saying "hi!",
but you've never smiled at me ever since.
Thats why its better if we avoid. One another.
You've changed so much,
and do you still recognise me?

I'll remember you always, but will you do the same for me?
Maybe somewhere in the archives, my name will remain,
as you son who brought you glory,
and honour in what i fought so hard for.

For my school, The Chinese High School.


wow i realli miss lit. sumtimes la. haha. today went to jo's house for some sfc brothers' fellowship(cos organiser said no sisters joining us when i asked him who going). This type of fellowship is rare. Thats why i feel so diff. think both mixed fellowship and brother's fellowship have their pros and cons. today was relatively quiet but on the whole, the sharing was more open than when there are any sisters ard. haha, after all coming from a mixed sku u will realise that there are sumthings that cannot be said in front of any gal. However it would be good if there were other sfc sisters ard to liven things more.

Oh anyway, was on my way to jo's hosue when i passed by my old school, The Chinese High School. Thats when i start to get into my poetic mood. i realli felt like dropping in to say hi to the buildings, but i peeped inside and it was like, recognisable yet very different. Even the school signs read "Hwachong Instituition" instead of "The Chinese High School". hai, when i first stepped into that school i dint even know it was that prominent and still wanted to go to other schools such as Dunman High. Good thing i dint. And my last 2 years in school, realli missed the slackiness. haha. i use to be those kind that 生在福中不知福 one, going ard to bad mouth my school sometimes, the teachers even. Well, thats cos the teachers are very responsible and always chase for homework. now however, truth is, i realli missed the life there. i trained so hard for judo, i wonder if they will engrave my name on even a toilet bowl sit to remember a son like me. hai. that was what i fought so hard for(the team medal, not the toilet bowl sit with my name engraved upon it). thats the honour i get, a student of a school with such magnificent heritage, and also a member of a prominent cca with good frens in it; not very close cos they haven seen the real me, but good as in being with them i can be not serious. good.

i missed the late nights we stayed in TCHS for trng. and the long bus ride home. i took 67 home just now. i hate the bus ride, but i love the feeling of rememberance i get from it. obviously, the test i failed was O lvls. not good enough for HCI.

Who can be a counsellor to the wisdom and knowledge of God?

There must be a reason in Him creating Man and Woman. Why not He just create a monogender race so that there wont be so much social ills like now? Premarital sex, gay sex, lesbian sex, threesome or more, oral sex, anal sex, rape, abortion. Perversion of the concept of enjoyment God had intended for human. Of course, if we had been a monogender race, businessmen and advertisers will have a hard hard time selling their goods, cos if u open your eyes and look ard, 99.9% of adverts are based on sex appeals. They will have to crack their brain like a coconut and even than, can only come up with nut-ty ideas.

was the analysis on men and women in the magazine that i happened to sweep my eyes past a few years ago, was it correct? Generalising things, i would think so. Of my past 6 years after my primary education, which meant more contact with the females, i have come to experience for myself how true the magazine was; that women would rather talk about their feelings and their problems while men would be logically analysing things and providing the solutions(not saying that solutions usually work anyway). Of course, there will be exceptions here and there. Therefore, might be for this reason that God created man and woman and told them to leave their families to be one. This sense, they work perfectly together. However, to be in constructive partnership, does it mean that both parties have to undestand each other well?

For me, i am not one who is focused on the emotional side of things. Afterall, i am chinese educated all the way before coming to sajc, and as chinese we were tot not to realli show emotions, esp guys. Maybe thats why most times i bring myself across as one who is legalistic, one who does what he thinks is right without consideration of the feelings of others, might he understand their feelings or not. Good news is: yes! i am human being too so i have feelings and i might understand some people based on feelings. A not so good news is: hmm, i would rather be doing what i think God persive as right, instead of doing what i feel is good for me.For me to go through largely the same circumstances as any sister in christ, i notice that we normally emerge from it different; ok normally i think they emerge more positive than me at least. However, having gone throught situations that are largely the same does not realli garuntee that they might actually realli understand us, and when they say they understand us, what do they realli mean? That they understand our feelings? Our thoughts? The nature of our problem? Or issit they understand the steps we have to undertake to get out of the problem? So what if u realli get to know a person of the opposite gender that seems to truly understand u?

i guess its inevitable to be close. Especially when those of the opposite gender brings me a point of view that had not been open me, due to the different train of thoughts and exposures. Thats when i start to ponder and realli learn, discuss the problem and on my part, analyse and come up with a better solution prior to the sharing of my problem. Thats why i have many close female friends(although i still realli thank God that my best fren is a male). 5 years down the road, things will surely change though. All of us will be having problems of their own, and if i were to be attached, yet all of my female frens still come and discuss their problems with me, how am i to garuntee that my partner wont be jealous? Lets say all of us get married and a few of them have marriage problems, and we are still as close. When i do my best to help them, will i be effectively sacrificing family bonding time with my family? These days, spouses do not even have time to say "i love u" to one another, and 90% of parents' conversation with their kids goes more like "are your homework done, are u hungry..", such superficial stuff, what makes me think that i will have time to help others with the problems they have, and helping them full scale? I might not even have time to listen to their problems.

hai, all these means that next time, no matter how much good frens we make now, we wont be able to retain all of them. Why than are we trying to hard to make frens, good frens at that, with many people of the opposite gender, since we cannot be equally close later in life? at least for guys, a gathering once in a while like once in 4 years we gather to watch soccer, we might still feel as close(oh on a side note, i think when Singapore wins the world cup, thats when globalisation is complete and everyone is under the citizenship of a one nation earth which is called Singapore. either that or Singapore might actualli win the world cup in year 2063, if it is being held in that year la, which is probably a probability of 0. haha)

Why than are we trying to hard to make frens, good frens at that, with many people of the opposite gender, since we cannot be equally close later in life? i dunno man. u can ask me a million times, i will tell u i dunno. Maybe i like their train of thoughts. whatever. i still think that any frenships now is still worth investing. at least for now. However, does it means that having alot of close frens of the opposite gender will have me labelled as "flirty", thus not being able to earn my future partner's trust as easily?

Anyway, i dont think i will be attached till like after NS, when my fren says its the more stable period of a man's life compared to b4 NS, so i dont think i will be worrying abt that. Or so i think. I will try to la. haha. This is not a vow, i just go by practicality. To have a gf before NS will be quite unfair to the gal too rite, since i wont be ard most of the time. No shoulder to lean on, no one to offer tissue, no sleeves available when they cry, and no one to finish their food for them cos they seem to be going on diet 24/7.

hmm this brings me to my next point. i have been pondering the whole afternoon, with whatever time available excluding my nap and lunch; what is the diff btw a discipline, and a vow to God? Lets say i wanna discipline myself to be single until i finished my studies, it does not mean that i cannot like a gal rite? in fact if i dont like any gal, i wont be normal what hor, but mebbe cos of reality though i cant make the gal my partner, like maybe, my studies cannot make it, shes from another religion, i not enough money to look after her, no time, have to look after parents and blah blah blah.

Than i thought about a vow. Fasting is a sort of vow rite? at least i consider it one. Bible say when we are fasting, put oil on our faces and dont look as if we are weak; must look normal- Matthew 6

Fasting
16"When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 17But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

so to speak, a vow is more of the heart(the unseen) than the physical. If this were so, the purpose of a singlehood vow, if i were to take one, would be to be single towards God, have a singular heart, seeking to please God and no one else other than the authorities, and even when pleasing them we still have to please God. Thats why i come to a conclusion: it is man to fall for a woman, but during the period of a vow, i should, by theory, stop any romantic feelings from developing, and in doing so, stay focused on God. If i were to show any of my romantic feelings, overly care or concern for a gal i like, than i wont be recieveing my reward in full (from the vow) or so to speak, rite?

God say let our 'Yes' be 'Yes' and 'No' be 'No'. In Numbers and Deuteronomy, there speaks of punichsments for those who broke their vows, the animals they have to sacrifice for repentence and the processes. Scary. thats like all the reasons why i prefer to keep to practicality rather than to take a vow. haha. btw, i happen to realise that God is a practical God, so its alrite to be practical rite? i'll give a few examples, lets see;

in the 10 commandments, there is this law that goes, "thou shall not commit adultery", actualli its for our own good, for adultery not onli corrupts the body(HIV, aids, etc), but it also corrupts our morale, destroy close knitted family blah. God wants us to enjoy ourselves:D

also, we are to respect our parents and we shall live long in the land God is giving to us, this, by me, is also quite practical. if we respect our parents, our children will see so and follow by example. with them looking after us in the future, it will be easier for us to live longer rite? haha.

when david entered the temple and ate the consecrated bread when saul wanted to chase him, God did not punish him for that cos he was realli realli hungry anyway.

these are just 3 of the many many examples of a practical God.=P go find out more yourselves. haha

wow thats alot of things to think through in a day. haha. i learnt quite some today. heh. just by thinking and pondering.

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today during childrn ministry, samuel is down with a serious flu, rachel ong is recovering from a jaw operation. gg i am left on my own. Thank God joanne said ok to joining of classes, if not realli gg already. so my p5s have to join classes with the p6s. spiritual family bonding. wow. haha.

oh i oso read an article i the straits times, this grandad, he had like 52 members in his family. 10 sons with their wives, and the rest are grandchildren. so cool and for birthday, his graddaughters, well a few of them, came up with a calender to help him remember all their birthdays. imagine, one year 52 birthdays to celebrate! its like one per week on average! haha. so happening. it would be good to have a huge family liddat. sadly, cost of having children now is sky high.

and i came back from vonn's place with aloy and jem there too. what can i say. the beef dish was realli nice. thats the onli dish i was aiming for anywy. haha. and every other sfc gal seem to be staying in executive. hai. rich upper middleclass people. haha

is there sitll misunderstanding amongst people in heaven,
or be there quarrels?

answer is most likely "no".

Thats why i rather be there now than here.
Tell me the fastest way there.
Anyone. Please.
Dont feel like being in this world much longer.

hai, i realli am bad at explainations, and also i am bad at putting things across constructively. wonder why i am so much better at sprouting nonsense.

If only i could just walk away from this and go meditate in some mountains. Too bad that i cant, cos firstly, walking away brings more hurt to everyone involved. No matter solved. Secondly, there is no mountain here in Singapore. .

--it is well, with my soul, it is well, it is well with my soul--

come ordain praises from my lips, eternal Daddy, even when i in situations like this.


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anyway, brother's back from malaysia and all he could buy for me was: chewing gum.
but of course, he had his reasons; cos he did not have time to even shop, the camp was all in a hotel, never go out.

and..

my brother's always a step ahead of me. technologically wise la. he bought a fone 10 times better than mine. argh! very zai man his phone.

oh ya, i discovered a way to make a chatterbox stop; give him chewinggum to chew for 11 consecutive hours. i did that and end up with a weak and tired jaw, which did not recover fully after 19 hrs. hai. hai. hai. hai. hai.

yawn. waking up is a torture, facing an empty house. Parents at work and a brother overseas. What can i say but, "i realli miss my brother".

he had been a darling by waking me up the day he was leaving for CLCN asking me what i want(although there is still a high probability he will forget + he might not have enuff money + he might totalli ignore if he cannot find)

after living with people for a long time, i realised that its those most irritatingly sweet people i will come to miss, when they are not around of course. but when they are around, u just cant wait for them to shut up and go to sleep so that u can:

1) be at peace
2) stop being dizzy by the random high frequency and amplitudal sound waves produced
3) stop the radiation from the computer screen due to excessive vcds watching
4) oh.. do QUIET time. emphasis added ok la not that its a reason not to do anyway.
5) rob them of the delicious breakfast/meals mom will prepare
6) play music without music(thats already in the background)
7) have an excuse to use(up) their things without asking.. heh heh heh
8) escape from infectious diseases they might have, i.e. cough, flu, (itchy)hand-(dirty)foot-(smelly)mouth disease, laziness etc.
9) find sadistically fun yet family bonding times jus trying to wake them up, i.e. with water on face, ice on chest, putting them on cold marbled floor, plucking already very limited hair, declothe and on the fan and aircon full blast, shine torch lights into eyes, shouting into ears of victim like a prehistoric tribal man who thinks that he is cool roaring like a lion. ok and i think thats just the tip of the ice berg.

than again, with these people gone, u cant help but feel:

1) happy, ok than sad
2) lonely, partially cos there is no one to play tricks on, but mainly cos u miss them really bad
3) too serene for peace and tranquility, as if the silence around u is deafening, i.e. dun have the usual sound we affectionately term as noise pollution
4) itchy in the mouth cos no one to talk/quarrel with
5) a part of your life is not with u cos.. i dunno how to explain
6) hungry, cos mom dont prepare extra share of the meal
7) indescribably confused. cant explain this too.

Thank God His joy comes during and after commiting all these to Him :D
and also, that my brother dunch realli know my blog address if not, well he might dismiss this blog as not his brother's. oh, this applies not onli to my brother but also to people that had tapped into my life(although some points are irrrlevant). haha

Global day of prayer. the atmosphere was realli great. those that came earlier already ushered in the presence of God and u cant help but start worshipping too. There was this symbolic feet washing btw the representatives of the charasmatic pentacostal churches and also the traditional church, i tot it was quite noteworthy. Nevertheless we still have our differences, plus i still enjoy theological debates with devoted non-charismatic christians:D, keeping in mind however, that we all are working towards the same goal; the same good news to be spread.

one pastor told us to unite hearts, join our hands and pray. even though it was not in chinese or english, or in that matter any languages that i understood, but the annointing upon that guy was very great and u can feel the spiritual fireworks through your body, and the excitment that follows. Like a handphone charger, to a handphone that is. i want to be someone like this, or even more annointed, not forgeting that more annointing means more trials.

anyway, wild wild wet is fun. Contrary to my believes. ok must add in this point "as compared to Escape". chalet on the other hand was ok i guess. we could have spend more time studying. heh.

on the last nite:

some1: Why is everyone looking at me?!
in my mind: cos u are the only one left with a lighter sparkler!?

than it clicked. took some time to think abt in the next morning which is today morning.

Many a times we as christians complain that everyne like to pick on us. Maybe we should calm down and start to ask ourselves "why?!". For starters, we are the only ones that have the light. The universe revolves around us, so to speak, so its hard not to be noticed, like the sun. When the sun is so bringht, people tend to shun it first before wanting to see if its brightness is consistent. Thats when they start to take their telescope and start to look at the sun, and they will realise that there are actually dark spots on the sun itself, due to some parts not burning as brightly as others. Therefore, even though we are the light, we might have some parts of our lives we do not shine as brightly, but nevertheless, we must still continue to shine like the sun, never giving out as long as we can last on the strenght God had given us.

somehow i missed the times of bible studying. The fellowship is alwaes great, esp with Taiyong. hey bro if u are reading this, i realli do miss u, especially the theological debate which up till now i cannot find the satisfaction of doing with anyone else. i miss the times of sharing, and yes, the times of intense prayer, in whatever fashion and season. Of course, the sharing with u i almost cannot find in anyone. How much from each other's lives have we missed out, lessons we could have learnt but missed due to lack of pathes that crossed? hai. Now i can only pray that no volcano erupt when u climb it, whatever the name of the mountain is called. It's spewing out ashes rite? whatever. Just make sure u come back alive to tell the tales. haha. oh yar. try not to miss ypm hor, cos i will pop by once in a while, now that my visit is so not frequent. haha

Like a needle to the spine,
turmoil amidst tranquility,
a plague that spread; worse than black death.
Dosent kill instantly but it maims;
senses, emotions, spirituality.
A weak foundation in a seemingly strong tower,
it destroys your Faith and character.
The tint of sourness that spreads amongst the sweetness,
a hurricane that consumes a farmer's year-round labour.
Torpedo to a bridge of frenship,
building walls in it's place.
Contagious to the eye,
squeezes away single-mindedness towards God.
The little drop of black paint making white paint grey,
corroding faith and character, the fundementals.
Thats jealousy for u.

You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men? - 1 Cor 3:3

Have you been thinking all along that we have been defending ourselves to you? We have been speaking in the sight of God as those in Christ; and everything we do, dear friends, is for your strengthening. For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder. - 2 Cor 12.19~20

i am sorry Lord if i had been jealous towards my brothers/sisters/frens cos they might have certain things i think they dont deserve, that i should have instead of them. i have been jealous of those frens that comes from rich household, nice and warm family/famliy life, so much so that i often forget to stop and ponder on my own "have-s". Indeed u have provided for me what i need, the money, my family members, spiritual family i can depend on. Sorry Lord if my eyes had only been open to my "have-nots". If i was ever jealous of my younger brother for the care and concern transfered from me to him the moment he was born, i ask too U forgive me. If i have ever done anything that causes anyone to be jealous too, i am sorry Lord for being a bad testimony/example. For sure, jealousy does burns like a raging fire, ready to consume any moment. It had burnt my skin more than once and than now, once again, the flame, i feel it ignite; close-by me. i have since come to aknowledge that the strength i draw from being jealous pales in comparison to the love found in U. Bring me once again onto the mountain of God, God. Thank You Lord Jesus and in You precious name i pray, Amen.


from now on, i shall try to be jealous, as jealous as possible, but only for the Name of the Lord. to be like the son of Aaron who killed an aldulterous isrealite and the midianite seductor, causing the anger of God to be vanquished.

yay! thanks chaos! thanks for lending me your guit although the second fret on the bottom e string is abit busted but anyway, thanks! haha.

i think i am startng to recover from camp. cool. and my ankle is still sprained. gah!

please let some science students be in sku studying, like jayce and jem, or mebbe anna so i can ask maths. hai. studies.

ok wait, no i must learn to psyco myself. in a way its a declaration and proclaimation too:D


i love studying! it is fun! i am glorify God through my improving grades! i can get to understand the beauty of God through studying! yay! i love studying! i love the idea of loving to love studying! yay!

talk abt getting into the mood. hah!