getting pissed at the lack of respect i'm commanding, from aaron. Talked to him and conveniently he gave no reply. Maybe he dosent mean it, but when i say that i feel like spanking his buttocks, i realli mean it. ArrrrRRRGFGHGHGH!! If the air was made up of methane, Kembangan would have exploded ten times over just now. Man, i need the army.

on a side note, the church had been providing some form of support that i never thought my church was capable of. The NS mandate, career fair, cell group... .... Though there is some generation gap btw the few of us and a few of the older YPMers, but i am realli thankful for the help and advices given to us. The change in leadership realli brings about the change in direction. Like i've said, the jonathan and kamun era is for the gathering of people and buidling up of simple trust, but now, the aaron tay era is more of the building and growing era. I feel much more happy sharing a piece of my life with em:D

i've chosen to walk a wrong road, only to be led back to the right.
could just picture Him laughing up there. ha. thank You Lord.

--------------------------------------------

watched "Casanova". As the show suggested, there was a flirt by such a name... blah blah blah. Sexual scenes, 1 or 2, just like any other shows, but i found the main jeeze being the topic of the catholic churh reigning supreme in that era of time. i particularly loved this particular conversation;


Francesca: What is heresy!?

Bishop: Heresy is whatever i say it is!

Puritan.
Well of course, i disagree with whatever casanova was reputed for, just that i found the iron grip of the "church" much more a turn off. So, if you're thinking of watching, skip the first 10 minutes and enjoy the rest of the show laughing at church heresy. haha

So here ends the first aider's class. Many kisses wasted on a manikin, O, which was well out of point. ha. Anyway, here's a brief summary on how the class went...

[fade in]Over the spand of 3 days[fade out]

[fade in]a group of 21 people from different walks of life[fade out]

Lesson was supposed to commence at 0930. teacher walked in at about 0945. At least his joking attitude made up for the gloomy atmosphere. When the whole class had assembled, i realised; i was the youngest there, and oddly, the most, if not, second most attentive pupil throughout the 3 days. My achievement was that for those 3 days, i did not utter a single nonsense; in fact, i did not even open my mouth much. Miracle? looks like the case. ahha.

second day started at 0935, a wee bit better, and the last day we started at abt 0950 again. Talk about punctuality. And if u think that this was bad enough, u guys should realli check out the attitude of most of the other students. One guy, whom i found utmostly irritating though i did not show it, arrived on the third day 2 hours late- at 1130, just in time for break. As if being late was still not enough, he just swayed in like he owned the building, and adding to that, the question which never fails to come out of his mouth goes sth like "teacher, so today what time end? i want to go home.". What's so irritating, atop of all these, was that he was actually a lifeguard taking a refresher course, or so i heard. If he's gonna get paid to save lives, i don't see any advantage in him disrupting class and skippping sessions, esp since he dosent knows how to tie a bandage.

well, there are also those who blatantly refused to switch their phones to silent mode and talking on the phone aloud in class...

some vulgar pranksters who are going australia to study...

ok anyway, putting frustrations aside, the class was actually quite amusing and informative. Many things i learnt, likethat our body has only 6 litres of blood, and also listened to stories, the most memorable being the Adrain Lim bloodseeker guy who practiced witchcraft(not warcraft).

Now, lets talk abt the teacher. Mr Chia- a healthily slight plump old man of abt 74, telling jolly stories and cracking jokes; some of which were harder to catch because he's speech wasnt that clear.Very friendly guy who treats us as his friends, BUT still preaches like any other grandparent; telling us to obey parents blah blah... and also telling us his view on religion. fullstop. i shant comment abt this topic, but his attitude towards religion was the usual one u can find in most atheist oldies; the i-am-old-so-i-know-best, and the propagandic i-am-a-good-singaporean-so-i-practice-religious-harmony-by-joking-about-all-religions-including-my-own. Nevertheless, funny old man chia is a nice guy no doupt.

the only other student i talk much to was to this malay man in his late 40s or early 50s. very nice guy, though abit forgetful. He had much lesser pride than those punk who are going to further their studies in australia. hai.

oh yeah, there were still those who were attentive like me blah blah, realli too much to say...ok i better sum it up;

it was an enriching experience.

any more, i'll consider being a monk.

any schooling kid will kill me if i say this, but i still think that this long holidays sucks, esp being unemployed.

My Jehovah Jireh, faithful in providing my needs. Thank You God. :D

yay, i'm so proud of myself. i never touch DOTA for like 3 days already. Which means, i am totally NOT addicted to that game. haha.

on a side note, who is interested in buying thumbdrives; 1GB and 2GB, for $30 and $50 respectively, please call me. has a one year warranty. CALL 98196486.

Consciously sinning,
nothing is more wicked than this
To hurt the one whom i claim loved,
keep on doing wrong without guilt.
Had he counted my faults against me,
no scale could account for it.
Oh, how i wished constellations could lead me to you
like how one had led wish men to your bedside

darned sin;
its an expressway without visible U-turns,
ERPs all along the way,
and there's a cliff at the end of it.

indeed, spirit willing flesh weak
empty mind, devil's workshop
man's pride building up,
skin too thick to ask for help.
Forgivenes' just ard the corner,
took it and dumped it,
many times over.
Grace, they said, is undeserved mercy,
even this i dare not take,
cos now i'm too guilty.


i think society likes to grade the different kind of sins like the moral sin relative to some people- homosexuality, abortion, cloning, etc. vs the punishable sins- theft, rape, murder... It is assumed that the more people a fault affects, the bigger the sin, or that the more irrevesible the crime, the worse it is. Face it, all of us lied to our parents before. If in God's eyes, a liar is as bad a sinner as a homosexual or even a murderer, how come when we see these "bigger criminals", we tend to shun them?

Went fishing yet another time. this time, it realli was a good experience for me, cause i caught like more than half of the total catch, when me, aaron, samson, taiyong, jeshua and joseph, went there tofish(totaly: 13). Caught thiskinda fish that u know those pregnant people usually eat, or to supplement body one? its also those kind of fish that chinesenormally put into some wineto preserve.yeah that kindof fish. Gave to grandma.

sent lowell off for army today. endedup in tekong with him and his parents cos they had extra tickets, so i sort of recce the place which i willbe staying in for months to come. i am rather impressed. the food especially, isnot that bad. there is free time every day from 2130 hours to 2230 hours, and soldiers get like 7 hours of sleep everyday. in the leisure room, which every floor has, it consist of onebig television, vcd/dvd players, pinpong table x 1, carom board x 2, and alot of magazine(for reading, not shooting).

well,tml jeshua willbe going off, along with joel and tim. which brought me to the rememberace that we gave jeshua the NSmen sending off parade twice both in and near church. in a way, he took the portion for lowell too. haha. fun. going to meet up with him NOW, but the rain is like, freakingly big and humongous now.

repeat with me: DEATH TO ALL SANDFLIES!!

funny how i don't normally think much of my little pinkieon my left hand... until it got swollen and could not function as a nose-digger.

a joke which hides some truth in it.
haha

wah!!! cannot stand the newer verion of internet explorer. MY "FAVOURITES" LIST GOT DELETED!!!!

flea market down my place was quite nice. bought this super big umbrella for like 5 bucks. those that can shelter one whole family and still have ample space to stretch leg those kind(exaggerate abit). i bought a keyboard, andi waslike headover heels in lovewith it, until i realised taht the space button qutie hardto press, thatswhyyouseethisthingwithoutaspaceinbetween. hai. sumore, play dota that time harder to usehotkey, mut press num lock first. my brother bought a puma shirt. quitecomfy.

after ourlittle shopping, met myuncle, who happens to work in the community club.



me and aaron: eh jiu jiu, lookwhat we bought! this unbrella is like super big!!

uncle: ya.This(umbrella)storeowner got scolded by me. Told them that there is no place for their stall, they still broughtone tablehere to set up stall.

i have this wierd feeling, that some people know some things that i am supposed to know but i either dunno or am not sure about...

i will typed centralised for this post. i think i like it liddat. haha.

SAJC is having their orientation now and my dear cousin cheryl is in SAJC. So, out of me, aaron, daniel and cheryl, only my brother aaron is has never been a student of such a wonderful school. haha. Neway, had dinner with cheryl yesterday and through some mindless conversation, some thoughts popped into my head, obviously inspired by the you-know-who. Shes, rather mature for her age. Well, in fact, very. (i am complimenting you hor cheryl)

I've seen people, who miraculously, can be everyone's good fren at the same time. I would almost kill to be someone like that. Having a very good friend like that is a totally different ball game still. They for one, will survive, cos they have a huge web of friends they can rely on, and when the friendship turn stale and sour, many other friends are there to heal the broken heart. Not so for people like me i suppose. Yes, like taiyong said, i am probably good at opening up and making friends, but only on a skin deep level. Beyond that, it would realli take ages of experiences together to realli affirm that friendship. Thats why, it is easy for me to get jealous when good friends suddenly have new friends they spend time and share laughter with. I guess i only can move on with life as if its destined. Thank God i make friends easily still.

I don't know what inspired me to think on and analyse my thought life. However, i realli need to get things straight, at least in my mind.

"Why do i feel jealous (when i do)?"

When i was young, i get jealous over my brother getting more welfare than i, more praises than i, more toys than i, more material comfort than i, that even when he eats fish my parents makes sure there is no bones but not the same with me... it voices down to security and affection.

Security and affection are 2 very different things, but yet, have similiar environment of growth. The major factors; time and trust.

Time(my interpretation), is when u are willing to share a part of your life, and in so doing, in love and a pure heart, edify one another instead of putting each other down. Amongst guys, sometimes this can be done in silence, like when a father bring his son for a fishing trip, or when buddies sit down just to chill out. Initiative have to be taken by all parties involved in this friendship, it seems. Often, this is my archilles heel. If graded, my initiative can be like 0/100. But than, i realli dunno what to do abt it. Its like all my guy friends are busy dating their girlfriends, and all my female frens are those who are dating those guy friends of mine, exception of SFC and class. DOTA and HERO SEIGE now acts as the bridge btw me and the average guy friends, but for my female friends, it seems realli realli wierd for me to ask them out one on one, basically cos i have no money for shopping, and girls dont like fishing. haha. (exception of anna and jayce. wierd but interesting girls. haha)

Trust, something which works exponentially with time, and transparency. Trust to me, is a building block to security, and someone like me probably want to feel as secure as possible. Guess, its not just a girl's thing, just that for guys, its not physical security we, ahem, at least, me, is after. More of the spiritual and emotional. Trust, to me, is also the third leg of the tripod stand, which when taken away, will fall the tripod. From my point of view, its not just as simple as trying to be there when i call, but more of being there for me even when i think i do not need any help, in terms of prayer and physical presence(taiyong, i must say, i realli thank God you've been doing a good job in this aspect, haha. sometimes i feel and fear i might not be a suitable spiritual watchman for u though, but yea, we're all equal in God's sight). To be early or on time for every meeting/fellowship, is in every aspect, a form of respect and responsibility towards the friendship; vital for building trust. In a way, its a body language for telling other people too that, "hey, i will keep my word. 6am means 6am, no later.". Thats why, i am realli striving to be early, even though i know of perpetual late-coming friendSSSS(plural). (Here is where i shout to God in capital letters: U HAVE TO HELP ME WITH THIS GOD!)

Such a perfect friend, who can find? I thank God for God. If affection takes time, God has all the time in the world. If security takes time, than its a comfort knowing that every second of my life, He's right beside us. He's never early, never late, thats cos He never leaves. Even when we stop talking to Him, He never stops talking, and even wanting, to talk to us.

WE FINISHED PLAYING HERO SEIGE!!!!!!! Chaos, Jo and Tim finished with all level 30, while i onli finished with a level 22, BUT, i was the one who managed to deal the final blow to the boss. HAHAHA. i wonder, how can they win without me man! haha. haha. haha.hahahahahha. HA!

went kevin's(SFC) house today to settle the envisioning video with jiahui. Tang Hoon was delicious, and oh man!, i love his aquarium, its like so beautiful, with the water plants and all. His dog is very lovey dovey looking, but its very very smelly; has bad breathe. Its a lovely golden retriever though, haha.家家有本难念的经 - not every household is as perfect as we think so. Kevin has a HUGE collection of dvds and vcds, and ALL TEN SEASONS OF FRIENDS!!rich guy. i could realli do with a friend like him. haha.

family dinnered and bought 2 fishing rods after that. taiyong and the rest of the gang, LETS DO IT NEXT TUESDAY!! haha.

sometimes i feel, someone's refering to me...

Nah! Can't be. haha!

i need a job, to stop me from thinking abt things and daydreaming, which includes fishing! heh

New Year Resolutions

1) Do my Quiet Time first thing in the morning
2) Be early for Children Ministry and services; sleep by 11pm the day before.
3) Bond closer with my church cell group
4) Go for exercises before i go NS, a.k.a slim down
5) Keep myself pure and holy through my course of service to the nation
6) be nicer to my younger brother
6) Periodically remind aaron that i longer know the meaning of the word called "school"
7) Convince the kids in my sunday school class that i have a super fierce and violent russian(hot!) girlfren so that they will stop making fun of me with any female teacher. haha!
8) Memorise some parts of the scripture
9) Keep my word
10) Call my mother and grandmother beforehand to inform them of any of my fishing trips lest i cannot offload my day's catch
11) Give tithings PLUS offerings.
12) Learn Hokkien, so that i can deflect to my church's Hokkien service.
13) Keep friendships(try).