Alrighty, for those who were not invited to the dinner at my place last wed, who did not heard my birthday speech. For your sake, I'm pasting the speech here, according to the actual script. Its very lengthy and wordy, but here goes:
Hi my dear brothers and sisters in Christ. First, i have to thank you all for coming down for dinner. Hope the dinner was to your taste.
For the more obedient ones, i thank you for not spending any money buying presents, because my birthday to me, is an excuse to create a joyous fellowship. Indeed, i would enjoy hosting you all, *erhem* if only you would gladly address my dad when you walk into the house. Now, moving on to the more defiant ones who had spent some cash buying presents, to them, i also express my heart felt thanks. Whatever the case, with or without presents, your presence itself had been the best present. Indeed, birthday celebrations can be great, yet cheap and affordable, especially in this financial gloom. Ok, i'm starting to sound like the finance minster. Back to the speech.
Today, i turn 21. Nothing much have changed actually, except maybe i look more *erhem* handsome. In the eyes of the world, i am already an adult. In the eyes of the church, well, i dont have to sign any more parents consent form, too bad for thsoe still 20 yrs and below. haha. But well, all these said, I'm only a few years older than you all. Taking this chance, i would like to share with you what God had led me through the last few crucial years of my life.
I joined the children's ministry in 2004 when they decided to do away with YPMS for sec3s and sec4. Honestly back then, i joined to escape from service, but obvioulsy i still go for service now. Serve serve serve, before i knew it, this is my 6th year in the ministry. Indeed, His favour had been upon me, and i've since been able to work alongside veterans like Aunty Cindy, Aunty Lynda, Daniel Yim, Joanne Huang and many more. Started out in 1st JAM, moved on to 1st PRAISE, God had allowed me to now see the second batch of kids i teach, graduate from calling me "Gor Gor Caleb" to "Eh Caleb".
End of 2004, correct me if i am not wrong, I got enlisted into joining the Logistics team for year end camp, which JAMES was supposed to head. Met TY, Lowell, Joseph who was also in the team, and the brotherhood had lasted till now. At the last few night of the camp, i remembered talking til quite late with TY, and we decided to go under the mentorship of Samsom Hu. Lowell and Joseph also joined us. Together, we started to grow spiritually. Every week, we would meet. Samsom would try his best to come up with a structured lesson for us e.g. book of Romans, then the book of James.. However, he was very careful not to focus too much on just the motion of going through the lesson, but would allow for constructive arguments to take place, which happens more often than not. Its in this bible study group which my knowledge of the bible started to grow, and i started to be more consious of the Holy Spirit and His works.
Moving forward to the end of year 2005, i joined a camp and in this camp, i entered a commitment with God which saw me walking closer to God. At this stage, my QT was not jsut the mundane 15 mins prayer. I used to have a room on my own cos i needed silence to study, so in my own room, i would kneel and pray for even up to an hour, sometimes even tired till the extend whereby i would fall asleep on my knees, and waking up with both knees stiffed. This was when i would spend times of quietness jsut trying to listen to God. Sometimes, i would get mental images, which up to this day, i'm still not sure if they were from God, but most times, whether or not i get these images, i would be enjoying the peace i had with God. However, there was once when i knew God really spoke to me, but i disobeyed.
In the mid of 2005, i realised that my studies were really horrible, mainly because i had not trained myself to study well. I was failing every single subjects I studied, only passing GP. I cried out to God for help. Of course, i had to plan my own study plans, but I also kept QT as a vital must-have for everyday. For a few months, i stayed at my grandma's house so that i could freely consult my smart cousin whatever questions which i did not know, be it maths, physics or chem. However in these times of trial, there were simple joy, like the joy of studying alongside close friends, and also my brother Taiyong. Be the time of my prelims, i got the best results which i had ever acquired in JC. Physics: C, Maths:E, and Chem:O. CEO. I was about the second last in class. This was my best results in JC. A levels was only ard the corner. To cut the long story short, in the end, my results isnt what many would term as fabulous: ABC for Maths, Chem and Physics respectively, but to me, this was a miracle. Even up till now, whenever i think about this, my heart would give thanks to God, and also not forgetting those who had been praying for me.
2007, before i enlisted into the army, i decided to work. My ambitions in the army was to become an officer. However, i met with a work accident which took away the tip of my left hand middle finger, permanently. It was 22nd Feb, almost 2 months away from my enlistment, and the previous sunday was my first sunday serving as a guitarist. In one accident, God had taken away the plans which i had for myself. My hands did not feel like my hands anymore, and i could nto perform my task as effectively as i would want to. I could not see God's plans for my life, but was only left at a stage whereby i could only trust Him.
i entered the army, 13th april 2007, 5 days after my 19th birthday. Initially, i continued to doing quiet time, and throughout my BMT days, i held on to God. Even though the devil had an attempt on my life, but God was there for me. It was when i was sleeping when i felt a heavy pressure on my chest. I opened my eyes to see the world around me sliding up. i could not breathe, neither could i move. But i remembered the Lord, and the only word that appeared in my mind was 'JESUS!'. I cried out His Name, and soon after fell back into sleep, waking up fresh.
After BMT, in SISPEC, my spiritual life took a downturn. Physically, i was still in church, but spiritually, i was not. Pride and greed had a hold on my heart, and led me to the deepest valley of my life. My sins were too many to be counted, and i was caught in the worst situation i had ever known. Maybe, i would have left church if not for the ministry which i still appeared strong in. I dare say, not many people know abt this, but maybe only Taiyong. Here, i would like to thank you for being there for me, even though that was when I could not support you spiritually in army, and also when we had out first big time arguement. I have never apologised to you, but now i'm here to tell you, I'm really sorry.
Finally, i was posted to a stay out Unit. i was allowed more freedom. Its here when i decided to tidy up my life. I returned to fast and pray, and praying when i had the time to. At this point, my heart was not fully turned to God, and i still had my own idols in my life, but slowly, God's faithfulness brought me back to him. I can only catch a glimpst of His plans for me, now that army is over and I'm standing right here. I dare tell all of you now, if i had not had my finger amputated, i might have become an officer, but i would never experience the joy of teaching a class with Lowell, Angela, and Zhangqi. Indeed, this was one time whereby we had allowed God to lead us in this ministry. We started a P6 tuition every sat. Even though the program was not perfectly structured, but we managed, to some extend, to minister to these kids' life, and in turn, they also ministered to us. Up till now, we are still very close to this bunch of kids. At this juncture, I would like to point out this had all been possible cos of God, and if He wants to, he can take away all the good things in my life, just with a snap of a finger, even our relationships with the kids we so love.
Now, even though i am jobless, God had ever been so good to me. My bank account did not se a major drop. As i try to spend the first part of my day with Him, He honours me by taking away most of my financial cares. Of course, i have to be fugile.
There are many things which are in my mind which i think i should do. However, I've learnt that in His heart, a man plans his coarse, but the Lord directs his paths. Recently, because I'm taking Gabriel Gan, I've been asking myself, what did i not do in this ministry. I think this question links to my dreams of what an ideal ministry should be like. I was asking this question because i know that i am not at the potential of what God created me to be. Obviously, I did not spend substantial time praying over everyone of the kids in my class. I did not fast and pray enough for them, nor did i ask God for anything specific to tell these kids. I only talked as what and how a teacher would talk. Jeremiah 33:3 says that, "Ask and i will answer you, and tell you great and unsearchable things that you do not know.'' Obviously, i do not know because i did not ask.
I'm sharing these with you, my brothers and sisters, because firstly, i want to tell you how much i've been through, even if it is just a summary, and give all the praise to God. Do not think that i am super Zai because, wah, i can pray for so long. No. If i can say, this is what we should all grow to be like, and even so, i've learnt these from a woman who feared God: my paternal grandmother. She died while i was ard p6, but before she died, she, who had only one side of her brain left cos of brain cancer, she stands up and pray for abt 1 hr everyday. She and my mom helped too, in shaping me into what i am today. My dad too, also played a role. I remembered when i was young, my dad would show his love to the Lord by waking up early to study the word of God, even making me memorise verses in chinese! I thanks God for all these people. To Him be all glory and praise and honour.
Just to give you a picture of what someone in sync which the spirit of God will be like. This is my impression. He might not have experience for every situation, but God puts the words in his/her mouth to comfort, to rebuke, to encourage and to discipline. He/she might not know what the kids go through everyday, but the Lord impresses accordingly. He/she would probably know why a child is acting up, and would not only discern whether its a spiritual cause, but would also be active in the gifts of the spirits, including deliverence. In short, He/she might be in children's ministry, but he/she is able to flow in the spiritual dimension. Who says that teaching these young ones, we do not need words of wisdom/knowledge, faith, tongues, interpretation of tongues, prophecies, discernment of spirits, and the rest of the gift? Are we, at every point in our lives, living examples whereby kids can see and follow? For me, not, But i try my best to, because the word says in Matt18:6 'But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.' Such is the responsibilites we bear once we join this teaching ministry.
Now, i want to touch abit on friendships, and there are some people which i want to thank. I've been very blessed to have a very steadfast friend in Taiyong, whom i am very sure, never failed to keep me in prayer, and may God bless you like what he says in Isaiah, that 'You would keep in perfect peace, him whose mind is steadfast, because he trust in You.' Jeshua, who had been like a seven-11, talking non-stop, 24/7. Lowell, who along with TY, had provoke my mind to understand God more. Its with people like you that i could enjoy having a conversation without audible words or actions. The last sentence also includes my younger brother aaron.
I'm posing a question to you all at this point in time. What is the difference between being in a group of christian friends, and being in a group of friends who love God.
There seems to be no difference when you start pondering about this, and indeed, God bless if there really is no difference! But no! What do we do with our christian friends and what are our normal topic over the dinner table or when we meet? We discuss indepth about the games we play, share about life experience without putting God constatnly in the picture. In Eph 4:29, it is written, 'Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building each other up according to their needs, that it may benefit thos who listen.' Do we encourage each other in times of need? do we even know what do each of us need? Do we complain more than we give thanksgiving to God? My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Where is the times of prayer and intercession God-loving friends should have? Jeremiah 17 says that, 'Curse is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wasteland, he will not see prosperity when it comes, he will dwell in the parched places of the dessert, in a salt land where no one lives. But blesses is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water, that sends its roots out by the stream. It does not fear with heat comes, its leaves are always green. It has no worries in the year of drought and never fails to bear fruits."
What does he means by that cursed is the man whose hearts away from the Lord? It means that at one point in time, the heart of this cursed man was walking with God, but it chose to turn away! Are we not walking with God the way we know we should walk? Isaiah 55 says that, "Seek that Lord while he may be found, call on Him while He is near. Let the wicked man forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the Lord, and He will have mercy on him, and to our God, who will freely pardon.' Praise be to God!
