ok people, i realli need to blog this down. Haha. Today, being my younger brother, aaron's birthday, is also his FIRST official time that he cooked me dinner, and i can only say that, if he dosent improve his cooking, it will also be his LAST! haha. U see, the dishes my brother cooks, comes primarily in 3 colours:

Its YELLOW when he cooks eggs,
Its WHITE when he cooks rice,
And BLACK when he tries to cook anything else!

and to top it off, he didnt even attempt to cook any veg cos he dosent like them normally, esp those with stem. Of course, i gave him a few advise.

1) Use small or medium flame when cooking fish or any meat to prevent uneven cooking, e.g. outside cooked inside raw

2) Please improve your(refering to my brother here) cooking

3) Either that, or please do not try again.

in summary, for dinner today, the dishes was an all back affair. Not including the 15 mins of intensive washing and scrubbling of the utensils thanks to the chao tah.

haha.

To my beloved younger blood related brother, whom i do not think reads my blog at all:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AARON!

and after 16 years of having this, occasionally mischievious, source of love, i am still quite amused that his birthday falls one day before the MALAYSIAN national day. haha.

------------------------------------------------

I was reading the word of God today, and after so long so long, I finally felt the Word of God touch me in such a manner, that it lifted me up quite abit. To put it simply, i have been feeling so crushed and miserable ever since after block test 2, and even now too. Like the verse later on which i will share, i felt a death sentence in my heart. Even at times when i turn to God, i still see the problems, and they usually block my view and vision of God. Each and everyone of my prayers seems to bounce off the wall and come back straight into my face. Everyday, i will think of giving up, cos i have been studying, but the facts just cannot get into my mind. I felt like what ever i did was useless and futile, sumwhere near a nut case. Seriously, i wanted to study for God, but i dont seem to be getting much strength from Him. In fact, it felt like i was swimming in the deep blue, solo-ing against the strong current beneathe, above and within me. I tot; "i am living such a loser's life. i'm quite sure that the church fathers dint have to suffer so much inwardly, struggling with themselves." I was wrong, cos when i read this following verses, it stated there exactly how i am feeling at the moment:

The God of All Comfort (2nd Corinthians chapter 1)

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5 For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. 9 Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11 as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

if i am studying for God and i am facing so much difficulties, Paul was too! But let us be sure that all these happen so that we can rely on God. :D

ah anyway, i have sth to share abt my life today. I believe, i almost died. putting aside all the stupid things i did today, misleading jayce and stuff, i was on my way home from toapayoh after hanging out with handsome chaos and jayce, when the enormous raindrops started to fall. when i was on the expressway on bus 142, facing jayce, which is looking out of the window, i saw this super duper bright flash of light, its as if the Lord had came to collect me or reprimand me, like He did to Paul in the bible. It blinded me for an instant. Then, came the thunder, almost instantly, and it shook the bus floor. According to my knowledge, the longer the lag of the thunder from the lightning, the further away is the lightning from me. U all cant imagine the shock i got upon me realising how God had saved my life once again, when i heard the thunder instantly or almost instantly, right after the flash of lightning.

another thing, i was asking God for a chance to show my faith and show others through action that God is real. So here's how it went. After alighting back at the ascension bus stop, it was not only raining cats and dog, but it was more like raining elephants and whales. Met bernard & his classmates at the busstop and started waiting for 966 together. waited very long and 2 buses of 26 passed by, with the third one almos in view. Suddenly, a tot came to me, that i should pray for the bus(by now, the wind was howling, and it was not much use being under a shelter). So prayed out loud after telling Bernard that i will pray. I prayed for 966 to come, that it be relatively empty. Lo and Behold, God answers my prayers in less than 30 seconds, and yea, it was realli relatively empty. We could all find seats. PRAISE GOD!

"Implosion", it was the word.
"Grateful", is.

i was reading the derek prince book that the sfc teachers and mentors gave. first chapter. believing/faith, it comes before seeing. Not the other way round. Guess faith had yet to plant its roots deep into me, vice versa.

-------------------------

pris birthday celebration was a magical dream that not only her enjoyed but also the rest of sfc leaders as well. to dress as a prince in long sleeves, formal long pants, leather boots and tie, its my first time. The last time, i wore jeans instead. The gals were all like princess. Pest's love language is indeed very powerful. (and if u are reading this, pest, i think the 05~06 sfc leaders would all agree that you've made the difference in our lives, if not only mine. A pity u were not able to fully enjoy it cos of not feelin well), and val too cos she'd this continuous stomache ache, which was actualli rather hilarious. haha.

well, thx Pest, for planning single-handedly, and for val, for opening up your house(if u are reading this in the first place, haha), the food that was cooked 3 hours before hand which cooled but which was still tasty, the doughnut ice-cream. thx the rest for simply just being there. you guys have no idea how a fellowship like this can lift my spirit. esp since its the first few times all the sfc leaders gather tgt to celebrate sumthing.

In conclusion, i think this is something that not onli pris should remember, i should and we should too, and amidst all these, remember God for pulling us together. I am left at a lost for words, and i can only say, let study hard together like we did last night k?(which includes those that left early; pest jan tim).

i am thankful to God for u people. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRIS! :D

I'm into bloggin mood once again. haha.

The joy of being an older brother exist in the joy of doting on younger siblings. I've come to the knowledge of it just today. Its not the most expensive birthday gift anyone can give, but to me, its already a bomb. The mid-range crumpler that is. Its like, a big big fraction of my allowance so i am totalli totally broke. Thank God this month onli got Pris's birthday for SFC. haha. i might just decide to return to the habit of surviving by koping food... hie hie hie.. u guys out there better watch out, your food that is. haha. Its a good thing i dont need to plan an elaborated birthday celebration plan for aaron cos i bet he dunch even expect 5 bucks worth of presents from me, extrapolating from past years' experiences that is. haha! THAT, would explain the surprise-until-dunno-how-to-react look i got from aaron just now when i presented him the present. And that sweet birthday card i painstakenly wrote for 15 mins? Oh he's gonna melt reading it, while in the mean time, wondering when did God made his older sibling(me) so nice and sweet. haha

On hindsight, I am one bad elder sibling until now, I think. Considering that this is onli the second time I am buying sth so expensive for aaron. Now i wonder, what issit like being a younger sibling?What issit like HUH?! i've always wanted an older older sister. Like abt 5 years older those kind. Time. ah! If onli we could reverse it. How come we cannot add to the number of older siblings but onli can add to the number of the younger siblings?!?!!? this is so unfair. why liddat why liddat why liddat one?!

Anyway, i think its my parents' fault. If they had married 5 years earlier, i would have gotten a doting older sibling(hopefully a sister), plus the fact that i can SHARE THE COST of birthday presents, (ok actualli if we count it this way, in the end still have to pay for the other sibling's presents), or even better, psyco that extra older sibling to 出钱(come up with the money) while i 出力(just do the shopping) . If i had an older sister who is 5 years older, she would be working, and i would be demanding yet another bomb from her every month. If she gets married, which i think she would cos of my family's extreme good-looking bloodline limit, than i would have a rich(hopefully) brother-in-law. THAT, would be the ideal case, which happened not to be. mmhhmmm

And now, i have to explain to my mom why the generation that is not working for cash is spending even more cash (buying the crumpler) than the generation working to support the generation not working. What a huge generational gap that exist between these two generations.

If possible, i would have taken a foto to post online, on the way her jaw dropped after hearing the price of the bag. yeah, literally dropped.

-----------------------
its possible to have authorithy without love
but its still better to have both..
-----------------------
my portion from God now, is to study.
what a big portion. i'll try to swallow it. ha.
-----------------------
keep that door ajar,
or should i just close and lock it once again?
-----------------------

carpenter's tool-ed with jem pest pris and the j1s; kevin rachel shortie eunice. its only last friday when we went for planet shakers, but it felt like a million years since i last went out with sfc, before this concert that is(though quite alot of peepz pangsehed us). Reality is finally sinking in; no more min time for me :(

ok, the guy is realli good looking. whatever his name. haha. but having said that, i must say that i am NOT gay cos i think the gal's pretty cute:D.. whatever her name. haha.

on a serious note, i am quite surprised when our host, huimin her name?, told us that the band only assembled abt one mth ago. Thats when i found out that Carpenters Tools International is actually an organisation with alot of musicians, not just one team.

was actually wanting them to sing this song. its pretty nice.
hey pest, i found the lyrics :)

God-Shaped Hole- Plumb
from the album "candycoatedwaterdrops"

Every point of view has another angle
And every angle has its merit
But it all comes down to faith
That's the way I see it

You can say that love is not divine and
You can say that life is not eternal
"All we have is now"
But I don't believe it

There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And the restless soul is searching
There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And it's a void only, only He can fill

Does the world seem grey with empty longing
Wearing every shade of cynical
And do you ever feel that
There's something missing

There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And the restless soul is searching
There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And it's a void only, only He can fill
That's my point of view

There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And the restless soul is searching
There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And it's a void only

There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And the restless soul is searching
There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And it's a void only, only He can fill
Only He can fill
That's my point of view
That's my point of view, yeah
That's my point of view, yeah
That's my point of view, yeah
That's my point of view, oh I
That's my point of view, yeah
That's my point of view, yeah
That's my point of view
That's my point of view
-------------------------

another group of missionaries came to our sku for chapel. they are from Samoa, attached to YWAM. very heartwarming to see them trying their best to dance, not for us per say. i knew they were doing it for God. i was just sitting in the front row of the cultural centre. even when one of them does wrong actions or forgets the action, they still laughed and continued dancing. such joy.

------------------------

beneathe each smile are the heart wrenching pains.
when i look myself in the mirror, "beyond recognition" are the words to say.
i realised, my outlook to life changed alot the past 2 mths.
less open, more quiet, and much more serious.
and to be compared to the wicked and lazy servant in the parable of the talent,
what a bombshell of truth.

anybody wants to join in GP discussion everynite? its realli effective i must say. interesting please tag! haha THANKS VIC :D, your random suggestion realli got me more hope for doing well for me, in GP.

2 years ago, when anyone tell me i was abt to be left alone at home with my younger bro, the first thing i would wanna do is to make sure that i am NOT at home until my mom is. The quarrelling, the squabbling, the murderous glares of deep resentment, coupled with the fact that younger bros like to copy what their older bros do without admitting that they are copy cats, i'm glad it a thing of the past.

Today's session, "home alone with brother", was absolutely one i will remember in time to come. Indeed, when the Lord mends a relationship, He not onli mends it so that it is not broken, He builds it to make it even better. Who would have imagined me having the honour and joy of cooking for a brother and seeing the dishes all being cleared? Alright, we were both hungry people. To agree with a unified spirit that the raw seaweed with sesame oil is not realli the acquired taste we like, is also a first. I would normally just stuff it down my throat and demand my brother do so. Concession- sth i learnt in GP too, besides the bible. haha.

I think today's dinner is the first dinner i can count as family dinner in the past 2~3 months. Nuclues family dinner that is. Even though its just with aaron. To hear him talk abt lame things regarding his life in school and friends, to hear him customarily repeat the same story everyday as if he had never told me before - this time without telling him to shutup cos i have heard it gazillion times. I guess its a family thing, to repeat things. i do too. My frens, some, might be bored of my stories. haha! There is this unspoken respect i feel that i still command in aaron though, no matter how much he talks back at me.

The wash up in the kitchen was also quite memoriable. ha! fancy me talking abt enjoying housework. housework is fun, admittedly, when there is a partner. No wonder my mom complains and complains while doing housework, cos my dad is the traditional chinese dad and wont move half a finger under normal conditions to help her. haha! I think, that housework, like dancing, should be done together with a partner or as a group. haha. i will try to instill this in my future future family. than i can save on maid salary... ok anyway, i washed the dishes and aaron mopped the kitchem floor while complainging that today's weather is very hot. oh well, sometimes, mindless complains do makes situations more comfortable.

i'm writing this cos i dont think i have much chance to enjoy this again. esp when our lives start to get busy respectively, working towards our self-designated goals. I need to remember this day..

ok! GP discussion is on with victoria at 11pm! hie hie... ms sab had found herself 2 hardworking students! :D

The light at the end of the tunnel.
That hope.
Lord, its You man.
Sure glad its gettin brighter.
You must have said, "Let there be light.", once again.

my life's gone to the books and studies, hopefully hopefully, its for God. Just read in first corinthians that God choose the foolish to shame the wise. Comparing secondary schools, i am supposed to be "wise", yet i am being outshined and outperformed. So true, is the Word.

but, i choose to look at it from a diff POV too, like, since i am considered "cannot make it", i am now the foolish one rite? So, if i do well/better this time round, than the glory should be God's. In the first place, how can someone as rotten as me be compared to those up there in terms of results? Only by divine and supernatural means. :D

when i am bored, i blog. hey it rhymes!
warning: this is what a sudden rush of studying time schedule can do to u. Esp if u are not used to disciplined studying. It makes u do things that are, er, more interesting than studying, at random intervals.

watched <西闗大少>. last episode, though i onli caught about bits and pieces of the story prior to this, the ending is really nice. much nicer than all the ending of Singaporean shows. If its a Singaporean show, the male lead will wait until the female lead go into the airport/seaport, than, be a drama-mama and start to clench his fist and grit his teeth, than flashbacks, than before the gal leaves, he will suddenly shout,"I LOVE U" or sth liddat. OR, even better, have NO ENDING AT ALL, just like the fann wong show that ended in june this year.

this one however, is quite diff. hongkong show i think. beautiful ending, ok besides the cliche part of the couple breaking up and blah blah. i was expecting a Singaporean channel 8 ending, but apparently was quite taken aback, in an impressed way, when that guy, whatever his name, came in and said whatever he said.

back to the books!

I'm back from grad nite for judo. This year, er. ok shant comment, since i was a freeloader and was supposed to pay 30 bucks. haha.

For the first time in my life, i wore leather boots for a gathering. i must say, not that i bhb, i can actualli look quite decent in black leather shoes, dark lean jeans, tucked out long sleeve black shirt with a tie that looks like my school tie, just that its much nicer. Contacts and getting hair done. oh my, thats a little too vain, but i must say, the process was the fun part. Now i can see why gals can take so long to put on their make up. Its an art, an enjoyment. haha. Even ty couldnt recognise me when i went to church before the gradnite thingie. hah. wonderful, i can work as a spy next time, just like the caleb in my bible!

Hh was dressed almost like me, with a red tie though. The rest of the people still dint change much- hin, ws, willy, cq, xx, jiangyue, and we had a good time recalling the past(besides the seniors coming at me and keep jokingly demand i pay the 30 bucks. ok, it kinda not that good being broke. cannot pay for grad night, judo grad night, the K-box session that i supposed to go with these buddies, and even my cab fare i have to beg from my frens. haha)

There was this dance part to the end. The DJ of the day realli need to learn abt the change in mood thingie. played fast song than slow song than fast song again. haha. quite funny and entertaining just watching my juniors dance. My batch, realli, is setting a bad example at being gentlemently at asking gals to dance, leaving the nanyang gals and hc gals there dancing to themselves, ear piercing screams echoing throughout the room.

The miracle of the day happened to come from God through willy, who has chuch the next day.. He asked me if i would wanna go home, which i uttered a reluctant yes. Than we set off home. and i realised, had i left 2 minutes later, i would have missed the last train to city hall. which means, cab, = $$$. Hallelujah! haha.

and the amazing thing was that, i almost wanted to ask jy for a dance before i leave, a normal frenship dance. (nth more than that, please. haha, like we did last year, but for an intention of spying on our juniors on the dance floor, the crazy 10 seconds change positions to look at some *unbelievable* dance scene and moves our juniors are doing. ok la, its not as obscene as i had made it sound, just uncommon for me. haa.)oh, come to think of it, one year had passed so fast.

ok anyway, there was a voice within me, telling me that i better save my next dance for someone special or close. like very close. Glad i followed that voice. haha, cos for a start, i saved some serious cab fare.
---------------------------
a quote i tot up along the way home:

"save your next dance for me, and i'll save the rest of my dances for you"

i must learn how to dance in the first place, though. ha, which reminds me of one dance show i love; Shall We Dance. beautiful.

Planet Shakered @ FCBC. really enjoyed myself in the worship, to suddenly be drowned to an unrecognisable extend is a first, but this is just one of the many different experience. No wonder some people said that every worship session is a diff experience. A pity i dint bring any non christian frens along.
but i was jumping ard during praise time with my birks. oops. hope it dont spoil. i heard its quite hardy. and it is, very sentimental. haha.

On the other hand, i was realli ministered to during morning worship when Emm chose to sing the song "You raised me up". Gazillion times before i have heard this song, but yesterday was the first time i saw the lyrics. Many words i could not decipher before(cos josh groban sings some parts of his song like jay chou; the mumbling i meant, not the rapping).


Your raise me up

When i am down, and oh my soul so weary
When troubles come, my heart burdened be
Then i am still, and wait here in the silence
Until You come, and sit awhile with me

You raise me up, so i can stand on mountains
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas
I am strong, when i am on Your shoulders
You raise me up, to more than i can be

The is no life, no life without its hunger
Each restless heart, beats so imperfectly
But when You come, I am filled with wonder
Sometimes i think, i glimpse eternity

On one hand, i have alot of work to do. catching up. On the other, tonight is judo grad night for my ex-teammates! too bad i am broke. must be God telling me dun go for the dinner. ok than, i shall only go for the performance, dance and skid part. and try my best to reach home by 1030.

Yikes! i realli do hate curfew, a ruthless way of showing motherly love.

May all bad things i do or things i do wrong, that people say its me.
May all the good things i do or the things i did right, that people say that God is doing it through me, not me.

ok at last now, i am doing what's required of me as a student. Just like belda said today over the msn when i asked her why is she studying even in the summer holidays.(rephrased)"I am a full-time student, what else can i do but study."

its realli interesting to be actually learning things. Things that i used to think that i would hate learning.

another irony, that when we are required to do something, the more unlikely we are to doing it. Like what daniel said that Tim said, "the education system makes learning a chore. We should just be doing it ourselves. Much more interesting to be learning of encyclopedias that have pictures to supplement, rather than school notes."(rephrased)

yayness! today i learn abt vitamins. A, B, C, D, E, K. I hope i can do well for tml's test, at least dun fail. i realli realli realli need some results that are not marked with red. At least, i need to find the self-confidence that i lost. Not about how well the rest of the cohort will do. This i ask and pray oh Lord.... only You know how far i have fell in my studies. Uphill task...

-----------------
i am actualli missing studying with a group of frens...
but the urge to talk comes too often..
hai, my ill discipline, my bad.
-----------------
Quote of the post:

Church is the only society on earth that exists for the benefit of non-members.

interesting, dont u think. haha.

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY SINGAPORE!

just finished watching NDP and i must say, this one time throughout the entired year that i feel more Singaporean(like how most christians will feel more christian while at a christian camp). i got so puffed up with national pride that i was in the sedi-ah position, standing tall and straight, while the tv played the national anthem. twice. and the pledge. and i did this when i was all alone at home. haha.

--------
random tots: this year's national day song sounds like a christian song!


This is my home
She's everything to me
Grace and beauty
In all that you see
My island home
Wherever I may be
I never will forget her
Nor will she forget me

Chorus

And I will sing
A song of home
A land of peace
Where dreams are born everyday
My home
Wherever I may be
I believeYou will always be a part of me

My island home
Home of my family
This is my future
Where I want to be
(This is my future
This is my home)

Repeat Chorus x 2

My home
Wherever I may be
I believeYou will always be a part of me
A part of me

Change the lyrics abit and it will sound like:

You are my God
You're everything to me
Grace and beauty
In all that you see
My only home
Wherever I may be
I never will forget You
Nor will You forget me

Chorus

And I will sing
A song of hope
A God of peace
In Whom dreams are born everyday
My God
Wherever I may be
I believe
You will always be a part of me
My only home
Home of my family
You are my future
In You I want to be

(You are my future
heaven is my home)

Repeat Chorus x 2

My home
Wherever I may be
I believe
You will always be a part of me
A part of me
--------------

well well, i thought it was a miracle; that my brother actually did housework yesterday, washed the dishes, mopped the living room, computer room, his room, and even offering to mop mine! i certainly don't remember praying for this, but this is a good miracle to have nonetheless. haha! i actually couldnt believe what i saw that i started to burst into explosive laughter for abt 5 minutes, while over the phone with ty. my my.

ok. haha. haven been a playful boy person in such a long time.

list of things i did to my brother today:

1) Used his msn account and talked to his classmates, infuriating them by telling one of them off for being vulgar

2) When my brother was supposed to be discussing the meeting time with his classmates over msn(apparently, they were supposed to be going for lunch b4 going for NDP), for every meeting time his classmates suggested, i objected and pushed it back by one minute, than slowly by one hour, so much so that in the end all of them ended up not meeting.

and my brother was still laughing along with me.. wierd guy. hah!

3) Read out loud his emails which contained some very... ok this one u all dun need to know.. haha.

4) Repeated whatever he was talking over the handphone(rich guy huh!) so much so that his frens tot that there was sumthign wrong with their own phone/s, that it had too much echo.

and my brother wasnt laughing as much.. but still....

5) i picked up the house phone and started dialing his handphone number. of course my brother knew but his frens tot they had a second line and wanted to hang up. HIE HIE HIE!.(ok well, he was pretty smart to disconnect the fone line)

6) When it got bored, i played loud music so that he could not stay in the room to talk.

7) When he took refuge in my room, i told him i will hijack his msn account once again.

and my brother stopped laughing with me..

but after a while, we were fine again! oh well, that was fun. i wonder how many more of such days can i have in my life, when the next stages of life are just ard the corner. busy busy busy.

---------------------
(ah! i cant believe i actually clocked more than 5 hours studying today! Praise God for the concentration!)
---------------------

i wonder, what constitutes a best friend. haha.
Had a really really fun time with Taiyong over the phone yesterday(abt 1 hour 15 mins! i could have studied half a chapter of food chem!), updating each other abt our lives, him telling me how God had been speaking to him..

and the realli realli wierd thing abt us 2 being best friends is, that its not a physical bond, more of a spiritual thing.

and it realli amazes me that:

-how we do not even remember each other's birthdays

-how we do not meet up even once a week

-how we can skip talking about trivial stuff and go straight into our life's problems and talk abt the spiritual

-how we can talk so far in the future with so much hope in our tone, over the phone, while having problems just surviving in this harsh world right now

-know and understand each other's train of thoughts yet do not even know what each other like to eat, drink

-rebuke and encourage each other in the same conversation sometimes

-argue with one another for a gazillion hours and come to a common conclusion most times regarding bible theologies

-poke fun at each other yet knowing our limits (sth that i think both of us have trouble achieving towards other people)

-how 2 people that, when seperated in the past, usually fall away from God fast, but after coming together as accountability partners, are both able to encourage and support one another in prayer, building one another towards Christ-likeness over the past year/s.

ok, i am bored. but nevertheless, a good friend is sumthing worth thanking God for, right? :D
(Discipleship with Samson better start after A lvls!)

--------------------------
more randome thoughts:

-(Bleach latest chapter didnt further the story-line!) ARGHZ!

-Mom's been a darling. cooked such a delicious dinner even though i was the only one eating dinner. and the soups reeeealli reeeealli great. In fact, shes on a soup spree! i've never remembered her cooking soup so much in my whole life before! like abt near 10 times in 2~3 weeks. wow. and mom's cooking is recovering, from 12 years ago when my first phillipino helper first came over. She actually taught all my helpers how to cook, but her actual cooking had deproved so much when they were ard that her cooking might be paled compared to theirs! Thank God its getting better. ha!

-oh yar, i realli do miss aunty bet. wondering how's she now, that its been 10 years since she left my family. an interesting helper, who came over to Singapore just to look around instead of the cash, usually spending a considerate amount of money on me and my brother.

-ok this kinda post is what u will get when u get a national day all cooped up at home with no one else to tok to now. gah.

dear caleb,

i heard that u have been having some wonderful time of fellowship these few weekends in the house of the Lord, and i thank God for that. I also thank God that these two weeks, you have been trying very hard to study, although there were times u gave in to tiredness; but u had lacked sufficient sleep just studying and worrying.

i just wanna encourage u, that the Lord had not gave us a Spirit of fear, but one of peace and of a sound mind. Therefore, since our future is in the Lord's hands, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow have enough worries of its own. None of us, by worrying, can add a single day to his life.

Now, lets talk abt the last weekend. Heard that u went down to City Harvest Church for the deliverence service by Mike Cornel, together with handsome Chaos, Jem, UD, Aloy and also Tim. Too bad the rest of your frens could not come along. Must be the usual nil replies or no replies from the rest. haha. Nevertheless, i hope it was a good expericence for u, just seeing demons manifesting due to the strong annointing of God on Pastor Mike Cornel, and also the deliverance team. I remembered seeing many people, thin as they were, needing abt ten people to pin them down due to the manifestations, and yet still able to try to get up. The altar call saw many people being delivered, where demons cry and scream when coming out of a person, and also came the vomiting of phelgm. I hope that reminded u strongly of the work that God had in store for u-- that over the past few month after Life concert, u had almost staled with little people ard u to encourage u in that area. Now though, i can see the fire coming back to u. Don't give up bro!

Yesterday night, i saw u at the indoor stadium too, for the festival of praise. Thank God for that! haha. I bet u cant get that ticket for "Rapture", that dance concert your sku put up at esplanade. haha! ok, thats not true rite? ya dont think it is. Though i know u like dancing and watching dancing, i could see that u really wanted to go to Festival of Praise. Heard u say that your fren Handsome Chaos gave up his rapture ticket for FOP. My deepest of respect for him :D. He is one of those brothers that had helped u alot recently, reminding you to do what is right, or even just crapping with you. I think you were quite glad that he was one of those that went with u and sat beside u yesterday throughout the whole service :D. Oh yar, thsoe juniors or yours from SFC that went! What were their names? Issit not Kevin, Eunice, Gloria, Anthea, Rachel, Wan Lin? Jem was there too rite? haha. i saw Aloy serving. Just so good to be in the House of the Lord with all these lovers of God. it was a pretty sight seeing your brother Aaron and cousin Cheyrl and Joseph Tiew there too:D of course, your church leader Amelia, Brother Daw Ching.

So how did u find the Christian City Church Band? Really good eh? hmm. i think their songs are more for Praise, but i must say, i really did enjoy myself when Joseph Pringles led those songs, with such simple lyrics. I was also led into a great time of worship by Don Moen. This guy really has the annointing to lead worship man! Please psycho your brother to buy that new cd of theirs so that i could borrow and rip it into my com! haha. The Speaker himself, Argentinian Pastor Ed Silvoso was also very annointed and charismatic. With his heavy Argentinian accent, he still managed to grasp my attention, rendering me wordless throuhout the whole sermon. It never fail to amaze me as to how God can reveal so much things to Him just reading over 2 chapters of judges, story on Gideon.( i did the same 2 chapters a few weeks back and i only got a few minor points ): )

Ok, I shall end my letter by reminding you, caleb, of what pastor Ed silvoso said yesterday, and u better remember, that;
- God has a better impression of you than that of what impression you have for yourself (not the handsome impression hor! hahaa) Remember the fact that God's Angel called Gideon a mighty warrior,even when the first thing the bible recorded Gideon doing was to cowardly wanting to hide stuff from the enemies? well, God looks at us with lenses of the future, not of the past. Your memories af failures in the past are your obstruction to faith! Look to God instead of trying to decipher your future by your past!
-When you do what God wants you to do, you will surely find favour in men. i think this one means over a period of time, yeah. haha.

ok, i shall not hold u up any longer. u better be doing some work!. haha.

Love,
caleb.


look at the corrupted world around u. polluted as it is. however, u must "learn to swim in dirty water without swallowing it". - Ed Silvoso.
-------------------------------------------

On a side note here, i wanna share a testimony. Few months back, the doctors discovered a tumour at my mom's ovary, about 5 cm. after a month or two of praying, THE TUMOUR IS GONE!

PRAISE GOD!!

also, 3 days ago, Carpenter's tools, a christian group from the States, came down to my sku during chapel. i realli enjoyed what they were doing, even testimonies and their music. reminds me that i have less than 10 weeks in sku to spread the gospel to my classmate- as a current student there!

people! buck up your gears to spread the gospel!

-----------------------------------------

Something i koped from Pest's blog:

From the Inside out

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

--------------------------
"The art of losing myself,
In bringing You praise"-
yea, i guess, i am losing quite alot these few days. the art of losing myself, this, i am trying to achieve, BUT, have i brought Him praise? My sudden focus on studies had left me quite broken and empty in terms of my frenshipS. No longer do i have the luxury of spending time with all the people i treasure, and still do.

However, it had never amazed me more this week that the words i sang during morning worship would come out of my mouth and go back into my heart. It must be God speaking to me i guess, if not i wouldnt feel so encouraged to study. If its true Lord, please let it be, that -"if U bring me to it, U will bring me through it."

Your will above all else, still my purpose remains... Lord of Mi Corazone(my heart).

am i just blind and dumb to the world and people around me?
it seems like a new place. different.
confused by my own overflowing emotions...

PS: heres a word of thanks to my classmates who have encouraged me to study/ have studied with me. To Jaryl, Jon, Janet, Jacq. Thanks Alot.

Last friday, during tim's step down speech, he told us of story of a well loved king who died after telling his most gallant and trusted knight, Sir Douglas, to 'cut out his(the king's) heart when the king die' and send it for burial in the holy land of Jerusalem. Upon the king's death, Sir Douglas did just that; he cut out the king's heart and put it in a silver box, hanging it ard his own neck to remind himself of the king's last wished.

The story went that, after many victorious battles with the silver box tied around his neck, there finally came a time when Sir Douglas was finally surrounded and greatly outnumbered by his enemies, him having only a few knights along with him, as compared to the many hundreds and thousands of the enemies. Sir Douglas faced his enemies, with one hand, yanked the silver box from his neck and threw it into the midst of his enemies. Turning around, he asked him men, "Will u fight for the heart of the King!?" With that, he charged towards the enemies, together with his brave knights.

The story went that Sir Douglas and his men was slaughtered. The enemies won and left that place. When Re-enforcement came to clear up the place, they found the bodies of the gallant knights on the battle ground. Finally chancing upon Sir Douglas' body, they found in his hand, tightly clenched - the silver box containing the heart of the king.

This story had greatly inspired me to do just that. Fight for the heart of my King-Jesus. I've told myself since that day that even if i drop dead studying(hopefully not), at least its sumthing i will fight for from today onwards. No matter if i get good or bad grades this prelims. That explains the absence of my presence online.

God had been gracious to me in so many ways. So much so, i do not dare ask Him for anymore, sometimes. I ask, He grant, I take forgranted; a viscious cycle i hope God will help me break. Same for every major exams so far. PSLE, O lvls, Promos. I feel as though i am cheapening His priceless grace. Its realli time i do my part. Hope this gan-giongness to study dun die, but i also hope this gan-giongness dont come with this bout of worrying that i am having now.

of course, there are my humane reasons to why i should do well in my studies:

-afterall, its my future
-no uni principal would accept a student who has a reputation of failing without succeeding
-cannot get a good post in the army
-no one will want an employee who does this badly
-i wont wanna set a bad example to my children(ok, if the Lord is gracious to get me a spouse in the first place in such a situation)
-i wont be getting a good enough job to sustain my retirement(if i can get a job next time in the first place, God's grace)

To die for a person is easy. After all, dying is a one time affair. To live for a person is the harder part. To live for God is definately the hardest. Every single action and word must be processed so as not to put the Name of God in the bad light. Gossiping and complaining, giving way to pleasures of the flesh like indulgence in relaxation and adoring the slower than normal pace of life(laziness), all these prick me at times, but i just dun wanna be bothered. Not now. If only i could say now with all my heart; Lord, I am living for You.

another thing. i had thought that SFC is the only cca that changed me. i just looked back. Judo dint change me. and now i realised, that i have to praise God for that. precisely the fact that it did not change me, that i had not become a worse person. the enviroment there is a cacoon. Despite the many ills in a boy's sku, the tiredness of trng had rendered me more or less unabled to be bothered abt any other vices except slacking. ok, its a big vice.

Now i know, i shouldnt have joined SFC. the people there are just like a family, and more than often, much sweeter and warmer than a family. Now, that i have joined, i realli really cant bear to leave. This kinda feeling takes time to set in for me. Since last friday, this feeling's been growing. Now i know- i am surely gonna miss all these people like i've never missed before. even the juniors. i just cant realli continue at this point... not that i am gonna break down, but that if i continue, if will be a thousand word essay.

It kinda suck, having bad grades, yet calling myself a christian. thats why i can only survive on God's grace(once again).