if u guys cannot watch this video clip, can just go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RqoR6UqWnE

haha. this is a super good video. up to u guys to decide whether to go and watch. its your loss if u dont, especially u wolv. haha!


i got reminded that one week ago was my mom's bdae. ok. one week and one day. and i dint give her anything. :( nvm i will surely do something nice on mother's day. heh.

oso, one week ago i went to watch movie with jem jan pris and joy. ok. one week and one day. the movie is superb! its called "i love cinema" or sth. its abt this boy who had this super religious orthordox christian father that thinks going to cinema is a sin and even sex is for procreation onli, not for enjoyment between husband and wife. as such the wife had an extra maritial affair although shes a christian and she loved her husband. the family just broke down but the whole show just shows the boy's indefference as he would rather watch another movie and show than to be bothered even abt his grandfather dying in front of him. in the end b4 the father died, he repented in front of God and openly admitted that even though he led a religious life as compared to those other bad guys in the movie, he is actualli no different cos in the end he still dint love God and dint know God, only got caught up with his own religious ideals which were like no diff from the personal ideals many others had. he repented and towards the last few days of his life, everything became a joy to him. :D this show is realli good but too bad its onli here for the film fest. if it had been for the cinema, i would have told everyone go and watch already man! haha..

ok another thing, the little boy is a superb actor. zai.

yay! i got Gold for napfa! thank God. haha!



guess she noticed the aloofness. not just us, but us.

The break down..

i think for seemingly strong people, breakdown usually happens from the inside. Its easy to break weak people just by telling them that they are lousy, but for the hardened one, i guess to break them down realli require alot of knowing them, and the things that trigger them.

alot of things have been coming at me lately. i realli hate the way things are now. i constantly i have this feeling of being so aloof from God, being all by myself with a few life buoys in terms of people i love. However, what i realli need is solid ground, a firm foundation.

i have never learnt the art of being a clown. i might seem like one, act like one and sound like one, but fact is, i dont have 2 useful hands that had learnt to juggle many many things such as balls, balls, and more balls. Even what they juggle seems so friendly; balls. i have this feelin that i am juggling durians.

cumon wolv, u noe that i noe life cannot be abt momentarily drugging myself. in a sense, they are my drugs, make me happy and relaxed, but apart from them, everything seemed like complete darkness. Thats why everyday i am with them. feel very happy. Other than that, everything is an obligation. trying to seek but cannot find. knock and the doors dont open. the enlargment of the God shaped void. even QT isnt Quality but Quantity. everything's off focused. i am such a disappointment to my creator. wonder if i go heaven now will i be living in a bungalow or a mudhouse.

haiz alot of things to think abt and to rush. Ja`ne~

amidst this storm, God is beside me...

When the business of life set in, we usually focus more on the physical importance of things, forsaking the others such as relationships. We start to pay attention more to the ends rather than the means. Its jsut like ordering a meal just for the sake of eating it rather than wanting to enjoy it's taste. Than we go ard telling others that we just ate the best meal and yet be totalli at a loss for words when others ask how nice is it, or why is it so nice, except start to act dumb and give a "lets pretend i never said anything" look.

God, i am actualli sick and tired of playing the religious game with U. Guess U must be sick and tired of the hide and seek too. It must have been qutie entertaining when i keep trying to run away from U yet knowing that i know i cannot run away from U since U are with me whereever i go.

Right now i realli feel this God shaped void within me. WHY? ok. that was a retorical question. i know why. in fact, i have knew all this while why i am wrong. but i cannot rectify it myself. God gimme strength! sigh.

Today i just caught a glimpse of how wonderful a sibling relationship can be. Caught a cab to church today with my younger bro(who is taller than me) and reached at 8.10 a.m., 20 mins early, one of the earliest times i reached church considered i dont have any thing to do that morning. i suggested to go to yong's teochew kueh to eat so off we went. i ordered some food and we sat down opposite one another. i felt this homely feeling with my brother that i never felt before or haven felt for so long. we talked abit, since we do not realli have much time, but even though we did not managed to share much, except me teachign him how to use the chopsticks in a more efficient way, but we did communicated.

sometimes, time is not the only variable to building a relationship. i think transparency is much moer important, cos there cannot be communication without honesty.

can i move on in life? i realli dont know. Cos firstly, what is life? If life is about money, or fame, or girlfren, or acedemic achievements, or even our looks, what is the meaning of this life when all these can be gone in an instant? Dont build lives on things.

my mind in a a wirlpool right now and i am typing a whole load of gibberish.

people are just like tea bags. u never know how strong they are until u put them into hot water.~ or rather, what they are made of.. guess thats very true. i wonder how far can i be stretched.. not much more i feel..

just had the first camp com meeting and it was expectedly draining, mainly cos mr lim came up with a 7 mins rule by which i cannot open my mouth in that 7 mins, afterwhich i got bored and totalli stopped talking. Out of the whole meeting, i realised that i am actualli underachieving, basically just working below my capabilities. Its not that i am very capable but i know i can offer much more.

recently i had to go for this mandatory study programme, apparently for those that do realli realli badly for their studies like me. Deep inside, i am realli grateful that the school is taking an initiative to instill in us this habit of studying. However,i could not help but start to pity myself that such means have to be used on me, sort of make me feel like i am in a boy's home where i have no discipline for myself, so much so that others have to do the job. realli feel sorry for whoever that is going to babysit us. hai. we realli do have no one else to blame for our bad results. Sometimes i realli do wonder why do we take so much pleasure in this blame game cos its time we realli do take responsibility for our work.

One example would be the recent PW results regarding my school. yeah i sure was sad to recieve a band 3, but on hindsight, i realli should have worked harder. After the whole thing i felt that it was a good experience, just like antoher of Chinese High's annual project day. Sure, results matter where i will end up, but hey! i have a God who had planned out my whole life, so i aint realli worried. Look how this blame game is taking a toil on everyone in school, putting us in such a bad light. True, i almost signed the petition, but the petition stated that it was not to put the school down. Whoever that took this chance of the press interviews to shoot teachers, i would say that while they see this as "bringing the teachers to justice", i would see it as a verbal outbreak of bitter vengence against the teachers. whatever comments that we make will make or break a whole life. so let whatever that come out of our mouth edify.

been a busy day. cya wolv.

i have never recieved such a nerve wrecking fone call, especially from my mom. its almost like emotional blackmail, the onli diff is that it isnt blackmail but real solid stuff that is actual fact, yet i was supposed to be there to make the situation less tense, make everyone fell comfortable by being my normal lame self. I cant realli suddenly turn out to be the one that needs help rite? gah.

isnt it wierd that somtimes u can have a house but no home, a family but dont feel loved, a bed but cannot sleep, a life but cannot live it to the fullest? Man, i must be real smart or sth, life is a mystery and an irony. Solomon took almost half his lifetime to realise it and i took just a mere 18 years to do so. unless of course i die less than 18 years later, like tim say, mebbe with a big bang. I changed my mind. i want to be in the annals of history. Much as i would like to die next to my grandchildren and pet dog and mebbe wife and children if non of them passed off b4 me, and much that i know that i can only die once, i would now rather die with a big bang, like mebbe a matyr, on a cross(hope not though) or just dying a death glorifying to the only Lord in my life.

Life had took on an interesting turn. i have found love and acceptance from the christian brothers and sisters in school, a love i could not explain, have never experienced, and a love that i don't want to be exiled from. Cant get the best of both worlds but its the best circumstances that I felt God had led me to, cos not everyone likes to hang out in SFC, but the group of us that realli do, what can i say. i realli hope time could stand still, especially yesterday night at the roof of the esplanade with tim, pest, pris and joy who went earlier. I felt a siblinghood at least, that binds me with these people, until the fone call saddened my spirits.

If my life were a small area in the vast open seas, than many boats have already passed by and have seen the colourful fishes swimming just beneath my surface. "Parent", "Teachers", "Friends", "Good friends" and "Seemingly best friends", ships by such names have trespassed without dropping an anchor, and yet, they seem to keep coming at me, casting their nets into my shallow deeps, expecting a great harvest of fishes, with breeds like "results"; a breed which beauty is to behold, but takes the longest of time to grow.

i waited and waited. Lo and behold; anchors from the boat of "Love" came into my deep, slowly but surely, these anchors had finally started to reach into the deepest of depths. Yet, a few days later, i know, that the winds of destiny will begin to blow, draggin the anchor on the virgin seabeds as it blows at the sails of "love".

i think i am very wierd. a random guy. like how i am willing to invest in siblinghood outside my physical home and yet not as willing to mend the crack in my family.

jia1 jia1 you2 ben3 nan2 nian4 de4 jing1

however, i guess theres nothing better than to see my bestest fren in sku and my good fren trying to mend broken relationships. sth i could definately learn.

than again, sometimes i realised that i have invested too much in the horizontal relationships as compared to the vertical one, the one pointing upwards. If i could have it my way, i would cut down my horizontal to add to my vertical, but than again, it will be called a wooden pole instead of a cross. Thats why i respect people that take the pathe of celibacy cos sometimes i wished God had showed me a pathe of celibacy, cos if God had showed it, it will surely be exciting, stamped, chalked, guranteed plus sealed.

nah, at least for now, i have come to a realisation, God-given, that all romantic relationships now for me are more or less futile. Learning from the things that happened the past few months, and especially since i think i have not enjoyed fully my singlehood and that i don't think that i am mature enough to think for others.. Who knows in the uni or bible sku... i might meet one that totally fit the details i had laid out to God, since God grants the desire of our hearts.. than i can realli go into the mission field laid out for me.

till than.. i am cooped at home, and from now on i hafta report to mom my every actions. haiz..

an interesting message

Hey you'll be put under the same mandatory program as *** *** and ***. starting wednestday. Pls be prepared.

me: What time?

4~6

me: Er where is it huh?

Will let u know.

me: OK Haha. Thanks

Very funny. 7 points.(university entrace points, over 68, the more points the merrier)

me: Oh er. That was not meant to be sacarstic. Sorry. Just the way i type my message.

Yeah u better do something about it before it turns out funnier


haiz.. look at the bold part. i think i am a very misunderstood person. haah. just cos i like to haha haha haha haha HAHA hah Ahah.. now i am being treated as not serious. h-a-h-a. gah! haha

arghz! everyone have such nice parents. haha.

yesterday pest's parents sent me near home cos pest wanted to intro to them the hongkong place to eat.. and i realised that her family is super zai... its like everyone's a joker.. so much so i dont even have to open my mouth. jus kept luffin but dint dare to luff out loud cos its rather impolite so in the end pest tot i had sth wrong since i normalli dont contain my laughter. but her bro malcom issit? dunno la.. but hes just another lame joker.. haha. learnt quite some stuff from him. haha.. and their parents dont even mind joking all along and being part of the joke. i wanna be such a funky parent. haha.

also today i went to tim's place.. no not the sfc tims.. but the F maths tim.. the on from jem's class. well as expected, his place is amazingly big with a swimming pool with it. made some new frens and met up with some old and also some good frens. like jon, pris, joy, tim, jem, and mebbe johan.. and new frens are sharon and michelle(i think most michelles look the same after knowing this one).. and another of my new fren, they call him Buddy. Hes a dog. haha. Tim's parents were ever so ready to recieve guest and we had such a sumptious meal there eating korean style of BBQ. His mom was super frenly and looks amazingly young, so much so that if Tim were to say that his mom were his older sister, i would have readily believed it. She just kept talking and talking, making us feel so at home. Tim's dad was a silent guy but nevertheless frenly and caring and comcern. man. they realli are examples to look up to. heh.

as for me. i think i wanna grow up to be a funky dad. Jayce commented that i look like a guy that will have alot of daughters when i grow up. Hopefully a get a couple of sons too. If not there will be no one to play soccer or chapteh with. haha. and more importantly, it would be a waste of guy genes since they have a high pobability of inheriting my.. erhem.. good looks.. haha! yeah mebbe i should just shave bald and leave a moustache with a beanie or sth. than wear a pair of oakleys and talk with a jewish accent. and than i will wear sth like cool christian t-shirts and shorts with birkenstocks to make me look younger. And i will drive a very very cool sportscar.. but than again, if i am gonna have a few kids, than it would be more practical to buy a school bus. haha!

oh yeah, i just watched Munich at Tim's house. Talks abt the Isreali intelligence. i had jem to explain to me some parts. i realised that Munich is a super duper intelligent show. so much so that i cannot understand it. another trait of a steven spielsberg show. But even a dumbo like me knows the diff btw a dumb show and an intelligent show, cos an intellectual show will leave me much mroe dumbfounded than a dumb one! haha. And a word of advise, if u guys wnt to watch such a show, watch with Jem. He knows alot of the facts. haha.

Take the lead! here i come! woohoo!

There is nothing better, no way better and no ones better than to spend my birthday with a group of special special believers in Christ which i will call my spirital family. Evryone is very nice today although they have always beeen so. haha.

By far this is the most meaningful birthday I've ever had since i spend it doing CIP at salvation army bukit timah with people i love and for God whom i love. haha. the fellowship was great. Also, the task which we had to do required much mroe than mere brawns but brains too, such as arranging the mega store paintings dep such that the customers will be more obliged to buy the paintings. Afterwhich, all of us were commented for the seriousness during our work time. man! even Mr Yoong wsa being quite good today by treating us. hah!

Savoured Johnson duck once again after a long time, with my unbiological twin sister sophia and my dear brother jem. wah wad a delicacy. haha!

Birthdays are actualli symbolic. You dont get more handsome over just a birthday, neither do you mature over one. In fact i dont realli care abt my birthday and would rather spend more time with my loved ones lighting up their day. However, birthdays now to me serve as a reminder, that i am indeed loved by those around me. Thanks all out there that made my life so colourful:D

Friends are people who cares for you amidst the hard time that you are going through. Well, i wont say so for these people that I am gonna thank that made my life a living joy today. Thank God! They are more than just friends or super good friends! To me, they are more like my family and limbs.

dearest bro Tim and my dearest twin pest sister sophia, they painstakenly came up with a proposal to do up an orientation for just for me, of course with the help of the others, joel, chaos, jem, aloy, pris, anna, jayce, val, nic, emm, jeremy, janice and also Mr Lim.

station 1
station masters: anna, pris, nic

harmless u would say when u look at these 3 arts fac gals. but no! they made me turn 18 rounds till i fell on the floor and than do 18 star jumps with the last jump shouting happy birthday to myself, a surprise since i had an impression that at least the kind hearted anna is gonna object, or mebbe my cell leader nic will try to be more caring to me during times like that, haha, apaprently NOT. than i was made to sing ONE WAY and dance at the same time towards the canoeing team which was having their own briefing session.

station 2
station masters: aloy, val, jem

once i see val i knew something bad is gonna befall on me. Surely, i saw to my comfirmation 3 pieces of bread with many many empty packets of macdonalds sauces next to it. Later, i was told that it would have been wasabi. Thank God to whatever that changed that plan. However, i was still made to eat the bread. haiz. there goes my short term plan of getting out of TAF club. Was commanded to run ard some blue car after that for 10 rounds and val was there as usual, trying to make things HARD for me. Grr to whoever that parked the car there. hah!

station 3
station masters: the rest, meaning tim, pest, joel, jayce, janice, jeremy, emm.

saw the grin joel gave and i had this thought,"bring it on man!" haha. gah but times never seemed tougher. i had to circle this bucket 3 times and dunk my head inside and rush to the next bucket and try to fill it up. 18 times. haiz. its in times like that that i wished i was one year old so mebbe i can do like onli 1 time.. or mebbe borned on a leap year. haha than i will be officially 4 years old or sth. :D after the 'ordeal', tim told me to pour all the water on my head and run ard th whole trak shouting, "i am a pest!" hope my reputation of a calm and cool guy dont get tarnished or sth. haha! after that i tot everything was over but more was still to come! i had to crawl up the steps of the gallery like an insect while being taped! haiz. These brothers and sisters of mine just love to see my unglam moments! haha.

after all thse fun... well i had fun but i am sure the rest had more fun luffing, including Mr Lim. haha. we proceeded to the canteen and did some more unglam stuff that was not realli planned but the best was yet to come! they bought me birks! oh man! love them to bits! well of course its not cos they bought me this pair that i love them so. no. but the knowledge that they loved me so much that they are willing to spend so much on me, in stead of ordering in bulks which is 50 % cheaper, aint this a family? In which school can i be more blessed! haha!

hey guys, if u ever visit my blog.. i meant the above people, u know u dont have to go to such extend to make me happy, i just want your presence ard me and a smile from all of u would have lighted up my day, but i am realli touched that u alll went the extra mile to make me know that i am loved and precious to u all:D